I am not going to heap more shaming on the pile here.
Instead what I hope to do here is to get you to turn the focus within and examine the root cause of your reaction upon seeing OM with your W at the parking lot.
Globally speaking, people who get violent (whether in words or actions) toward the other person, it mostly is based on the two reasons:
-Their needs are not getting met -Fear of losing something
In your case, you probably fear losing your wife. Right?
In your situation, you are in pain because your needs are not being met as husband. Right?
Seeing the OM in the parking lot was a spiritual lesson presented to you in how you would have conducted yourself in response to pain. How you handled it was a spectacular failure. No two ways about it.
You are in pain because your wife is not meeting your needs as the marital home and has turned her attentions away from you.
You feel the loss of control because W chose to be with the OM instead of you. That angers you because the sense of betrayal is very deep and wounding. The anger feeds your negative thoughts about the OM. Then you assign "judgments" against the OM with negative labels.
What do we get here? A potent mix that bubbles up to the surface.
In short summary: You've given away YOUR POWER to the OM.
You did not win nor did the OM. The OM won because he got inside your head space and took away your own power. You are SO SO MUCH better than the OM....really.
You gave your own power away by engaging in lower level emotions which are anger and rage. Then you have the brass to declare to all sundry here that you "just couldn't help it...or couldn't control it."
BULL!
Seeing the OM at the parking lot was not the real root of the outburst.
It was your inner pain in response to the event (seeing OM together with W) that is the root of your reaction. Raw pain. Raw wound. You did not like feeling your own pain at all. You wanted it all to go away NOW...right there.
Instead you transferred your pain to the OM by beating him up. That is not animalistic instinct as you claim here, Dawgy. You CHOSE not to exercise the self-control to step back or drive away from the parking lot. THIS IS ON YOU. ALONE.
What puts humans a notch above animals are the ability to use:
-Reasoning -Logic
Let's go back to what I said earlier:
You gave your own power away by engaging in lower level emotions which are anger and rage. Then you have the brass to declare to all sundry here that you "just couldn't help it...or couldn't control it."
Please note that I did not say "feel" those emotions up there. We all have felt those emotions at one time or another (or 100x). Ohhh boy...I did entertain a dozen fantasies about landing a right hook on Ms. Wonka's OW!
This isn't a male or female thing. Or the UFC arena. What were you really 'defending' here, Dawgy?
In reality, nothing really.
You were feeling the loss of control over this situation--your W choosing not to be with you. All of this was the mistaken belief that honor was a play here and that you had to "defend" whatever perceived 'honor' there was. It is all on you on how to assign "judgments" to others--even your own wife too.
It was just your pride. It's as simple as that.
Some general questions for you to consider....
-What kind of man do you want to be to your W?
-What kind of father do you want to be to your children?
-What lessons are you passing on here?
For a minute...you might want to sacrifice your "position" for a bit while and take a look it at from W's perspective through her lens. Then you'll find a deeper understanding, awareness, or enlightenment.
