my chance = HIS chance

[makingmagic]

Hi Sandi....

Your advice comes with perfect timing.

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After work yesterday, I began to fret if we were going to get together for the evening or not. I know this is not a good feeling for me. This may be due to PMS. I also realized that if I were to ask him for the evening, that would place him in a position to accept or decline. I feared his decline, but also wanted to know that if "I" wanted to get together, would he? So, I approached it in a way knowing that he still had chores he wanted to do at home, I said that I still had things I wanted to do as well and we could see how we felt when we are done. He agreed.

I had time to kill so I popped over to my friends house to burn off that stress as I did not want to be alone.

At 7:00 I texted him. "almost done", he said so was he and asked if I wanted to come over for a bonfire and left over pizza. I said yes.

After the fire, we went inside & I started warming up the pizza while he was in the shower. He came in from the shower (half naked, as usual) and I approached him by kissing him. He led me to the bedroom... we made out.

I indulged in our make out session as I am very attracted to him sexually, and I know he has been "in the mood" for a few days. I also wanted him to not feel like I have been teasing him. I also know that he prefers sex before eating/going out. Therefore he can focus on TV instead of it lingering in the background of his head. This was reassured after as while we were watching TV, I sat there in my undies, tank top & socks (to be comfy). He mentioned that while I looked cute, he was not interested. I jokingly asked that if I wanted "more" would he.. he joked "no, as it was no longer on his mind". I gave a puzzled face. He reassured me that if "I" wanted more, he would participate for me.

We sat & watched two TV shows, as he said that he could not commit to a 2 hour movie. Close to 10:00 my DD called offering to pick me up. I said yes.

I guess I was feeling a bit annoyed/used. Maybe this is accurate or not (PMS). I hinted this as well. I felt that he got what he wanted. Then he feels/mentions that he gave me some time (tv/pizza). I question, if thats all that is wanted..... I dunno (again could be my PMS). I know that HE feels that he is doing his part. Whether its the right way or not, its who he is and how HE feels.

As much as I wanted to stay, I do not want to overstay my welcome. He hugged & kissed me goodbye.

After while, he sends me a text: "you looked cute in your long work socks, btw"

I was in the shower and couldn't reply right away. I said "tx"

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Sandi:

THANK YOU for reminding me R talk is pursuit. I WILL NOT R talk! I WILL NOT R talk!!


When I got in last night, I read your message and wondered what was bugging me & then realized that it is PMS time. I have recognized that PMS makes me needy/clingy and wanting affection/words/attention more than usual.... typically just for a few days. Each and EVERY "R" talk has been around the time of PMS... so, I am trying to be more aware of its arrival.

I agree with you, I don't fully grasp how to apply what I have learned and read. It does make me inconsistent too.

You are very accurate, he has never had to pursue... because I DID IT. Pursuing does take energy and he just doesn't have the energy or time (I have heard him say this too)... Yes, add some lazy in there too. So, when he "feels" he has done something (as above: pizza/tv time). He "feels" he has done his part. Anything more than this is probably like asking for too much.... where do I go from here? talking about it or responding like I do/did, is not helpful or good. Any suggestions?

You are bang on when you say that I MUST be consistent in keeping my mouth shut!! This seems to work for us. I like how you show:

NO R talk from me = his pursuit.

You might be right again when you suggest that all forms of "hard to get" might be coming across as manipulation or game playing (since I am not successful at being this way). However, I do want to learn the skill of it, as I do not want to be an "easy"/available person either.

I do need to learn to put him 2nd. He should not be so high above everything else in my day... and honestly he still is. Its not like I can say to him, "no, sorry.. can't do that because I have work to do"... this is BS... he knows what work is priority and when I can goof off with him on HIS timing for injecting fun during the work day. I have no real excuse/reason to provide him.... HELP!!!????

I do not need to worry, if he is sexually desiring me... I KNOW this much and was super happy back in June when it was recognized and he admitted/declared it. It was what helped put us back on track. An interest & desire to be passionate again.

I agree... the sexting part was wrong wrong wrong. I lost my self respect too. I felt it after I said it. I see how it comes across. It is not nice.

I will DEFINATELY work at applying your math equation.

This is NO time (PMS) for "R" talk anyway...it always led to pushing him away.

Thanks again Sandi!!