Moving towards mediation, need to stop limbo

[shodan]

my response on my other thread...trying to consolidate on to a new one....

quote=shodan]I am confused more than anything else. When my W and I are together, things can be pretty great. We act and look like a marriage couple sans any true affection. She lays on me at night and we sleep very well together.

But my concern is that allowing this to happen will only give her the oppty to stay in her A and have all of her needs met by two men. She has no reason to stop the A. Hence my boundaries: I will not share my W with a third party.

Part of me wants to just give her time to sort out her life. Based on the convos that we have had, she had a lot of bottled up hurt and anger. She just was not happy and admits to never telling me. She had been thinking about asking for a D for a long time. Further, since she is cooling it with the OM (to some extent) part of me wants to give her time and not continue to push for the D and just let it play out.

Here are some of the signs of her cooling it with him:
- she is spending WAY less time in NYC
- when she goes, she has gone on first flights out in the morning or taken the last flight home...she easily could have stayed another night
- I am gone this weekend in FL visiting my parents and my kids are with my MIL...she is alone for two days yet she is home and not in NYC (I have spoken with her a few times this weekend about my mom (she had a massive stroke) and have a good sense for what my W has done this weekend...the OM is not there)
- her text exchange with him implied that she is cooling it

But, she still is in contact with him via phone and text. Even if the PA has now become an EA, the EA still is damaging to our R.

So what do I do? Give her time and be patient OR enforce my boundary that I will not share my W with a third party.
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