Totally great points and love the post. Thank you for sharing. It captures a lot of my feelings and my actions and words with my wife.
But my concern is that I am giving her more opptys to cake eat when she lies on me or when we have fun together. I disagree. Besides, let's consider the real alternatives.
You think when she is laying on top of you, that she's cake eating???
I don't. When she is laying on you, I think you two are bonding. Maybe it's your anger or wounded pride that makes you assume she is taking advantage of you when she's showing closeness...and I wonder if you are using the term "Cake eating" to mean
you are NOT ready to feel or act close with her, b/c you are hurt and mad. And so, you will call it "cake eating" when in reality it's that you are not done showing your anger. My question is how has your anger helped your marriage?
Has it ever helped? Has it ever worsened things or created tension? Be honest b/c this question will continue to matter.
I think physical touching and laying on you, builds closeness and is a BONDING experience some of us, would give an arm for....
and I think that if she were truly trying to cake eat, she would Not choose laying on you as the method!
In fact, the closer you two get the more it seems to upset you - but in reality I think you are confused and THAT makes you uncomfortable. Too bad.
If there were no A, I would agree with you. But with the A in play, it is just cake eating. WHY? How is this so black and white "cause and effect" with you?? Guess I"m really missing something.
With that said, I also need to make sure she sees compassion and love at the same time.
Absolutely true^^^.
She knows that the road back home is paved should she choose to end the A.
How and why would you assume she "knows" this? seriously??
But, I will and am pursuing a D since to date, she has elected to stay in the A.
Then I guess you have to decide what is really "Working" to help you restore your m, and what just makes your pride feel less wounded.
The two do not have to conflict, but I sure would ask your DB coach about this, a lot.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
