It doesn't feel like a fairytale anymore...

[fthnluv]

He has a long way to go before he is even close to coming through his MLC. All you are doing when you say the things that you are is applying "pressure" on him. He will run from pressure every time.

I know, in my head, that this is true. I guess I have a hard time reconciling what is typical for a MLCer and what God and faith can do. God *can* change this and change his heart in an instant. I find myself fighting this belief and not wanting to start speaking it to take another 3-5 years, if ever, to wait through if it could change tomorrow. You know the whole "speak it into existence" theory, I don't want to speak many more years of this if God could change it tomorrow. Of course, if that is His plan it will be whether I am prepared for many years or not. See how I do that? I convince myself one thing and then exactly the opposite...

he is going to pull farther away now, not come closer.

This is so true. He will pull away so as not to have to deal with me any more than he has to. I realized while thinking on this that I am so NOT doing a 180 here, he is used to me talking until I am blue in the face, trying to get him to understand where I am coming from to the point where he agrees it is best too. He has told me more than once that this annoys him and he feels "browbeaten" and I need to stop this at once. I can deal (sort of) with him making mistakes HE will regret, it's when he hurts our kids that I have a really hard time letting go.

When you talk to your H and say the things you did here, you aren't DBing, fth. In fact you are doing the opposite. You really need to stop and reread the DB basics. When you remind him how "wrong" he is, you are only driving him farther away. When you show him how he is hurting his kids, you are driving him farther away.

You are right about this too, as I stated above. I will re-read the DR book. I think I need to review the LRT and infidelity sections and I know I am not following the LRT because I am clearly still pursuing him.

"..doesn't like talking to you because it hurts too much". He knows what he is doing is wrong and he doesn't like being reminded of this and will totally stop talking to you at all if it keeps going the same way.

Right again. I guess I hoped that if he talked to me and felt bad enough he would realize his errors and change his mind. I've gotta stop that!

But you need to start doing things that will help YOU get to where you need to be. The sooner you leave your H to work things out himself, the sooner YOU will start to move forward with your own life.

Yes, I do need to start working on me, and not just as it relates to a WAS and DBing and MLC. I need to figure out what I need to do to discover who I am and what I like and who I want to be.

Once again, thank you Matt. You have such a way of getting me to think.