Going Down Hill

[Jefe]

But I want her back so much that I am worried that she will get mad, resentful and push her away further. Maybe she just needs space so…. Do I crater. Give her everything that she wants and hope she changes her mind? Or do I grow balls tell her how I think it should be and risk losing the love of my life?
I so much want to tell her how much I love her and do not want S to happen. That I know we did have issues during our marriage. That I believe they were small issues and just communication problems and that I believe we could be happier than ever before. I mentioned it before, but maybe she still doesn’t really believe me. But she seems confident that she does not love me, that there was too much damage done (what damage?) and that you either love someone or you don’t. If I could just go back a year and knew how much she didn’t feel loved this probably would have never happened.

So much to cover here.

1) Stick to your guns and Lovingly explain your position about staying. I had to tell my wife, You're the one who wants to leave so you need to leave. But understand you're leaving us and everything else. I know it seems like the opposite of what you should do, but stick with it.
2)She already knows you love her and don't want the S/D. Trust me, I blew it today by telling my wife...DON'T DO IT! She believes that YOU believe you guys can be happy. Where she's at right now she doesn't see it.
3)She's a potential WAW, she is completely operating from emotion right now. She doesn't feel loving right now and she is having a hard time understanding that feelings come and go. She is in self centered mode. Just stay the course.

You have to let her get to a place where she can look up and go: "Crap, how did I get here?" so she can see her own actions that led up to it. That'll never happen as long as you keep jumping in the middle and give her more reasons to blame you. Trust me, I just did the same thing in my situation and reset the clock all over again, I'm afraid.

Zed, let me catch up on your situation a little better and I'll offer some more.