Just popping in for a long-overdue update --

We had our 3rd session with the new MC yesterday. I'm liking this counselor more and more. He teaches couples how to have heart-to-heart conversations and most of the session is spent talking to each other rather than the MC.

The MC will interject when he feels like we aren't communicating well. For example, at one point during the session, H said that he didn't "want" to help me feel better. I responded honestly and said that made me want to get up and leave. The MC asked H if he meant to say he didn't "want" to help me. H said no, the problem is that he can't. We went back and forth on that for a few minutes until finally the MC took over for my H and said, "Elsa, the problem isn't that I don't want to or that I can't, it's that I'm in a quandary, because I don't know how to help you without hurting myself." H confirmed that's how he feels.

H and I continued on our own from there and I felt like we were having a brand new conversation. H said that he wants to give me another chance but he is afraid that if it doesn't work he won't have any more chances left. I told him that I don't think I'm ready to take his last chance because we still have work to do. I also said that this is delicate dance and we have to work together. H said that he felt like I was saying that he had to change first (???) and that the only way he knows to make things better is to take more time for healing. The MC interjected and said that I was saying some really positive things about working together -- which is helpful, because H will listen to whatever the MC says.

I mentioned feeling like we were back at "square one" when H talked about focusing on himself. The MC said that it was normal to make progress and then fall back to a "comfortable" place, but that over time the progress will build and it won't crumble away. I liked that the MC seemed to value connecting over retreating, and it was helpful for me to hear the MC say that falling backward is part of the process of moving forward.

Afterward we went to dinner and had a nice time. H shared some good news about his job (and made a point to say -- "I'm sharing this because I want you to be the first person I tell").

We're going to do a fall activity together with D7 tomorrow. It will be the first time we've done anything as a family since the day we told her about the S (so, 3 months). I know he's nervous but I'm just going to maintain a PMA and show him that we can have a better R.


Me: 33 Him: 35
T: 13 M: 11
D7
BD, S: Jul 3rd, 2014