The past few days have been rough. I really don't have any support to save my marriage, and it makes it difficult when my own husband doesn't even want to. Feeling very emotional today as well. I called my husband last night around 12:30 about 6 times ( a big no-no, I know). I also called him this morning and asked him to call me when he could. He called me. I don't really know what I was going to say, but I know I was going to beg him to take me back. But, instead of doing that, I just told him I didn't want to talk about what I wanted to talk about anymore.
I wish I could say that I was good and I stopped our entire conversation there, but I didn't. I texted him asking how he felt about us and if he thought we would work out. He told me that he felt it just wasn't for the best. I acknowledged and confirmed his feelings and thanked him for being open with me.
Although I messed up, I still handled this better than I normally do. So, in a way I guess I did a 180? Maybe more of a 90 or 45.
I am really starting to question why I am doing this, and feeling like nothing is really going to help. I know I'm going to end up divorced, and it's awful. I truly think my husband is happier without me. I guess I need to be happy without him.
Confused and emotional today. Hope tomorrow is better.
My plan is to not talk to him until Thursday to discuss where we will meet to drop our son off. I hope I can do it. I just have to fill my days with stuff to do.
