Thank you, uR. I wish I was further along in being detached, but I know I'm getting there.
You're right. I do not have to decide anything today.
I already know it won't last. I'm not threatened by whoever ow is. He is not even a little bit capable of a real R. With anyone.
I think it's just another reminder of how far off he is from looking within. Is it bad that when I saw him looking so gray and bearded....droopy eyes...a part of me HOPED he was depressed?? Like he wouldn't have enough energy to find another ow? That's terrible. I shouldn't want him to feel worse!
What I want is for him to be closer to the end. Because I want this over and put back together in a better way. And that's just really selfish. He doesn't want that now, and he may never.
I don't want him to suffer at all. But the pain I feel for both of us sometimes is too much.
