No, I don't believe you saw it as teasing. I think you are earnest in wanting to apply what you have read. Your problem is that you don't fully grasp some of it. You are unsure so it keeps you from being consistent in your actions.
So, look at what you want. You want him to pursue you. You feel he has never done the pursuing. I get it. The guys here may be able to help more in that department, IDK. However, I think he never had to pursue, b/c you did it. And I think pursuing must take a bit of energy. I get the impression he tends to be lazy in working on the R......so it makes sense he would not be too zealous pursuing one. However. If you don't pursue, then he will have to do it. Btw, you pursue him every time you discuss the R.
If I understood correctly, when you pull back a little, he draws closer. Add that fact with knowing he does not like for you to pressure him....leads me to suggest the area you MUST be consistent in is keeping your mouth closed about the R. You have not fully tamed that about yourself. So connect those dots.
No R talk from you = his pursuit
Things seem to be complicated in this "relationship", and therefore, it makes the advice more complicated for you to understand and apply. So, I wonder if it would be better for you to stop the game playing altogether. Stop any forms of manipulation. For example, "leaving him wanting more" may be seen as you trying to manipulate him. Personally, I think females have used that one specific "method" since the days of Eve! Early in a new R when a couple first meets, etc., that may work. I think the man plays along a lot of times, just as long as he feels he will finally conquer her. I just don't know that it will work the way you were trying the other night with XBF. IMHO, it would be better to not put yourself in those possible compromising positions. Being in your former bedroom together, drinking wine and having massages, laying on the bed, etc., was setting the mood for intimacy. Surely you knew it. Were you going to see if he would pursue you sexually? I mean, it is an old trick women do when nothing else seems to work. You must have felt a little gratification to see that he still desired you. It just seem kind of Scarlett O'Hara to play......"Oh no, I can't.....you shouldn't, Rhet!" . Having self respect is good. However, i am not convinced this was an act of valuing yourself, b/c you pretty much shot it down when you suggested the sexting. Yes, I believe that was where you really messed up the worst. But my point being, if you are going to be this "respectful lady" who wants to be pursued by him......don't try to manipulate him in the bedroom and then run out as if you were a shy virgin. Can you see what I mean here? It really does come across as teasing and game playing. I am not saying you should have had sex with him. I am saying you did not handle the situation properly. (Btw, please do not decide to "clarify" your actions with him. Just let it be and don't draw more attention to it.)
What I am trying to say, and having a difficult time, apparently, is to just cut out all the BS. if you can do this one thing............No R talk = his pursuit, then I believe it will be quite an accomplishment. Do you agree? Just simplify your life, MM, by cutting out all this stuff you are trying to apply in what you see as DBing. If you can control your mouth, you will be doing a jam-up job of DBing!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
. Having self respect is good. However, i am not convinced this was an act of valuing yourself, b/c you pretty much shot it down when you suggested the sexting. Yes, I believe that was where you really messed up the worst. But my point being, if you are going to be this "respectful lady" who wants to be pursued by him......don't try to manipulate him in the bedroom and then run out as if you were a shy virgin. Can you see what I mean here? It really does come across as teasing and game playing. I am not saying you should have had sex with him. I am saying you did not handle the situation properly. (Btw, please do not decide to "clarify" your actions with him. Just let it be and don't draw more attention to it.)
