I also want to say that I am very sorry about your wife's infidelity. This is a very difficult issue to deal with in a marriage.
I know you desperately seek someone to explain this behavior and then give you a step-by-step guide on dealing with her so she will recognize how destructive she is. Then you want her to have remorse and then change her behavior so your family can be saved.
It is maddening when a spouse disposes of your life so recklessly.
I liken it to dealing with a child who is having a temper tantrum. Each child's temper tantrum is different because children learn how to illicit a response from their parent based on previous interaction.
Your wife's behavior today is based on the relationship you built and the way you both interacted up to this point. My best advise to you is if you want help, when posting, you need to be as honest as possible about what you are doing and how she is reacting.
Remember people on this forum are committed to saving your marriage.
