I wish I had advice for you. I have a somewhat similar sitch. Its hard to know what to do especially when you are not in the typical "caretaker" role of a normal H in a happy M.

Ive been advised to go to Al Anon. I havent done this but its on my list, perhaps if we end up in a better place or piecing. Right now it doesnt really make sense as I am generally acting as if ive moved on from her.

All Ive done is cover my bases. I havent drank a drop at home in 3 months, not that I did too much of that before. But I dont bring a single drop of booze into the house. I dont even know how effective a gesture it is, but its me saying "Im standing for your sobriety" in some way, i guess.

My W seems to keep her drinking under control but I honestly dont know. She hides it for the most part, though I monitor the signs (I know some of her hiding spots). When shes out for the night, however, thats 8-12 hours that I have no idea what shes doing. Probably driving drunk, possibly making other mistakes.

Curious to see what advice anyone has here.

M: 33
W: 33
M: 9 T: 10
3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5
BD: 8/3/14
Living together