my chance = HIS chance

[makingmagic]

Hmmm... some things to look at. Thank you Sandi, uRworthy & Eric.

Sandi... I honestly was not doing that to tease. I was trying to do things in "my time". I was trying to convey enjoyment of his hand on my foot, and appreciation for the massage. When he kissed me... I liked that too. I was just trying to end it there and say good night. I was trying to leave him wanting more... I think where I failed was suggesting sexting, etc.<<< this was game playing here. oops. I will think about this next time.

uR...."He needs to figure himself out. You need to figure yourself out. When all the work is done, if he decides to look to you, then you decide what you want from a place of strength. " <<<<< this is where I think we are. We have both done the work (and its still evolving). He is now looking at me, and I am deciding what I want (I am coming from a place where I am challenging and testing my own strength).

The cat/mouse, on/off, kissing/not kissing is what is confusing for me too. I want to be pursued & when he does... am I to give in? I want to leave him wanting more and it not be a game (this is new for me).

I want some of that power... like you suggest. I do think I am starting to have "some" of it. I want more of it & it feels like it comes stronger for me the more I get confident that he is "into it" with me.

"If he wants to recommitt, he will know where to find you. Til then, leave him to figure himself out." <<<< I think he has come to find me (finally).... he just isn't ready to label it (yet). He is "testing the water"... we are treading together. I too am "testing with him"... I want to KNOW certain things before I recommit too. I am not sure if he is giving mixed signals anymore. HE feels like he is changing to be a better person and HE feels he is making the efforts towards me.

I can't believe he is FINALLY making the suggestions & offerings that I was longing for since BD. I wasn't sure he would ever come around again. I am trying to use the squirrel analogy.... is this not the right way?


You asked how I can become the woman who will be ok either way... Three things: to continue to pursue my business agreement, buy a house and hold MY value at each interaction.

Eric... no, I cannot mind read. but I have eyes... I noticed a tab on his computer the other day about appointing executor. I know he is doing stuff.

OK... "need" is desperate.. Want is "desire".... I "want" certain things...

Please don't change the direction of your advice, please continue to direct me. Please also let me know where I am doing things right. TX!
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Last night, we worked late & had to drop a client off at Costco & my vehicle was there as well. As we were pulling into Costco, he asks if I want to grab a pizza tonight and go back to the house and have some drinks. I wasn't able to answer right away as I received a phone call while he was asking. When I got off the phone, I clarified ... and then said sure.

At the house, we sat on the 2 seater couch and he poured me wine & served me pizza. He put on a movie that he had already seen and we sat there and watched it. He toasted to a "successful day" . We watched the movie. Near the end, he was self massaging his arm. I started to massage it for him for a bit. He placed his hand on my leg. I finished massaging & he kept his hand on my leg. I suggested that I leave as we were both tired, he said I should stay till the end of the movie.

I called my DD to come get me at 11. She arrived and he kissed me goodnight.