It doesn't feel like a fairytale anymore...

[fthnluv]

We tend to be afraid of what we cannot control. Learning to ACCEPT that loss of control is one of the hardest lessons in life – at least IMO. Have you prayed about it? Have you truly let go and let God? Maybe start by truly and really leaving him in God’s hands for now.

I am working on letting go and letting God take care of him (and me and my kids). Clearly I am not there yet, it is definitely something I need to concentrate prayer on more.

Trust me, you really WANT someone to WANT you – not NEED you.

I agree. It makes me so sad that he no longer wants me. I once told him that I feel like that Cheap Trick "I want you to want me"...

How do YOU FEEL love?

Not really sure. I think, going by the Love Languages I have found that I am a Quality Time gal. I want to spend time with the person I love, no matter what we are doing (of course, if it's somewhere alone and exotic that's even better). I also am a Words of Affirmation person. Words, particularly in songs just get to me every time. When H would text in the past and tell me he loves me or just "good morning" it meant the world to me.

Thanks again for the insight, Eric. I truly appreciate people like you getting me on the right path.


So, today was an ok day. It started off as a "going to be fun Mommy and S8 day" but then I got an email from H with his propositions for the D agreement (financial stuff from alimony to child support to life insurance to bank accounts... and many "terms" that I do not like) and it came right when we were waiting for our movie to start and put me in a funk. I advised that this was stuff that I needed to run by my lawyer and then we should talk in person because much tone is lost in written translation. Then later we traveled to a nearby city to meet with my sister and her family to go see the band For King and Country play at their church. The concert was AWESOME and really got me back out of my funk.

So, here's the question of the day for you all... H says he "can't make it to D4's party" but he wants to come the following weekend. I know that he does not want to come because he does not want to face both our families and tell them his decision to D me. I am generally well liked by all sides of the family and have been seen as somewhat of a saint these last nearly 2 years taking care of the 3 kids on my own while he worked out of state. People, on both sides are not going to like his decision and many will tell him so. H does not want to deal with that and I know it.

I was thinking of texting him later today and telling him that we can simply move D4's party to the weekend he wants to be here. Then, the ball is in his court and if he still will not come it will be obvious that it is not the date, it is the above reasons. I'm struggling with letting him make a decision (for whatever reason is in his head and his "reality") that will hurt D4's feelings (major Daddy's girl) and H in the long run (you can't get these events back) and with letting him do what he wants and deal with the lifelong consequences.

Also, if I do not suggest the party date change and just let him not come to her party, how do I explain his absence to family and friends that will be here without lying? Next to none of these people know we are separated now and he has filed for D (and certainly not about him living with OW). I could tell the truth, that he has filed for divorce and did not feel comfortable coming to the party but, as I still want to reconcile in the future, I want to make sure that what I say does not come back to bite me in the rear later. I *could* tell him he needs to contact his side of the family prior but he won't do it and I know it. He lets me do his "dirty work".

Any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!