Me:58 SO: 59 Reconnected 2010 Met: 16 6/14 Not Working Living apart It's September, communicating w focus on friendship no future R talk from him but confides and asks for advice on S and friend issues. Wants me in his life. Focus happy talk and 4C's. Says refraining from all R. If can't work with me then w no one. M4x before - fear of another failure. Cares deeply yet needs to be alone. Hopes to see me but no time frame, no R talk. Reading LL. Possibly PSTD.
Thanks. I'm a newcomer and this was my first post. He is contacting me regularly and I only respond but do not initiate contact. This is going on since mid June.
I am going out with friends, reading books, moving on and getting support in many forms. I am acting as if, I am feeding the good wolf, I am not reacting and listening to understand only. I offer support when asked. I am kind, supportive and loving. We have always loved each other but when things went south too fast - met his only son at his son's wedding,death in the family and more - and many high tensions, we both were stressed and lost the us. When I felt him losing our connection and told him he said he was tired but really my tension was increasing his and in a nutshell it snowballed. After our split, I realized that he was unaware and relied on my calm demeanor especially with all that was happening and he couldn't handle any more tension. Yes M4x first two before NA now 27 years later and a 13 year relationship that ended. Yes red flag so I want to get help together because I think we both really want to be together. I think he'll get there. A few weeks after the split he told me he wanted me in his life but needed time to be alone and wasn't able to commit or work on the R. Now he's confiding and getting closer but no R talk. Still steady progress.
I think he was depressed at least for a while but not sure that he is now. When he communicates lately he is upbeat with me.
Drug addiction in past but now 27 years ago, 13 of which was in his past relationship which ended less than 2 years ago - not enough time to truly heal.
I'm taking care of myself, being loving and patient and seeing positive changes but no R talk. He's scared of D5x and not sure what will be. All say it's not about me and he needs to work through. Don't know what it will take.
Sorry to here about this. 14 years is a long time. I suffered alot of PTSD issues after my first tour. I ended up leaving my first marriage during that time. I then worked real hard over the year to overcome alot of issues for my second wife. The sad part is my wife has now a WAW. If you do reconcile know that if he has PTSD it's a long journey. If he has PTSD has your marriage had issues on and off throughout your time together? What makes you think it is PTSD? sorry for all the questions I am new here and don't have much advice on DBing but can maybe help share some light on PTSD.
Me 38 WAW 40 S 10 S 5 M 5 years BD 10/04/14 S 10/04/14
I talked to my coach last night and learned that it may be a longer road than I hoped. It was discouraging when I miss him so much no matter what I do for myself and my life. I'm starting to record the baby steps. Since we are 3000 miles apart, it's harder not being face to face. He's wanting to take it slowly so wishes I was there with him so we could see one another and it would be gradual. So because we are not I need solutions to keep him hopeful.
I really need help as I'm crying as if it was month one. It's four months since I've seen his face. Now he's going to visit his son and new daughter in law without me. It's the trip I wanted to take with him to meet his son that was preempted by their wedding with all the stress of that and then some. Too much too fast. And it's this time last year that we took a blistful trip with beautiful fall leaves surrounding us so much in love. I still have the same love for him and it's not diminishing. He still feels it too but needs time to heal so I keep telling myself I'm giving him a gift of time. I hope he knows this.
I'm thinking he's the only one for me because he is perfect for me. But is there someone else out there that is also perfect. I'm almost 60 and I've loved him since I'm 16.
