Feeling stronger than ever

[mleigh4]

I have been thinking a lot about some posting about not being open to our MLC'ers. About being closed off to where they may not feel safe to approach. I believe I haven't been very approachable. I also have been paying close attention to our home and the atmosphere here. In all honesty, it hasn't had the best vibe for awhile. Of course, most of that is due to the sitch, but there are things I can change to make things better for all of us.

For example, I pick up S after work and we almost always get home before H. Usually by the time H gets home, I'm absorbed in a book and S will be absorbed in a game. Sometimes we don't or barely say hi to one another. Horrible! How can you blame H for feeling like an outsider? ( he has said that before). I have noticed that we tend to all be in different rooms most of the night. Now, in my defense, I do that to give H space right now. But maybe he doesn't always want that? And what kind of example is that for S? So I decided to try something different tonight. When H got home, I right away said hi. When H started complaining about traffic, I put my book down and went to sit next to him to listen. He talked and talked and talked about his day and work. Well, then time for dinner and now he wants to watch a movie all together. What!!?? I wasn't expecting such a nice reaction, I am pleasantly surprised

H and S just left to do a quick run to the store, my S wants some water colors to paint us some Halloween pics, then movie time.

I plan on trying out some more 180's with no expectations of course. I think I am strong enough now to test some stuff out without feeling too devastated with rejection? It's worth a try, certainly can't hurt.

Thanks to all this week. It's been tough for some reason, I have been really emotional. But the change in me has been to not react on those emotions. To just feel and think about them. It's true about us being in a bit of a fog. I feel I come in and out of it a lot.