I celebrate my great interview, because that's the part I control.
Not whether I get the job, because that part is in their control, now.
I can see some cool possibilities ahead.
I'm not letting anything get me down tonight. I am just slightly bummed, the person I would love to share my excitement with, is gone.
H sent a text to me today, asking what else needs to be worked through. (Regarding D, but he didn't put that word in there)
I sent back that I was about to run, and would have to get back to him.
He sent, "good luck at your interview."
That was nice. I didn't even expect him to remember. It's back to dark, now. Oh, well.
I'm not spinning wheels wondering why. I'm chalking up as part of the twists and turns, and he will do what he does. I'm grateful it isn't worse.
So, I'm gettin' to gettin'. I'm thinking bigger now. The clouds are thinning. I'm starting to get a clearer picture of who I am, what I want, what is possible. What is mine to control, and what isn't.
I'm starting to enjoy my independence. However, I don't enjoy having to be independent. That may be the inner spoiled child because this isn't what I wanted. But, it's actually freeing. Then I catch myself....and it's silly, I literally, ask myself permission. Wait....is this ok? I didn't ask anyone if I could just do this... Oh, yeah. Hehe....I don't have to.
I still love my H. I still want the R to work. If I had a magic wand, and could make him whole....you know what.... Nah. Why deprive him the experience? That's his to have.
I love him enough to get out of the way. I can see this is truly, the only way through this. I'm trying my best. It's so hard. But, necessary.
Like my job interview......I believe my future, with or without H....the right thing will happen. MY little world of what's "right" is skewed by my one-person perspective, and what I think I want based on that.
HIS plan for me is greater than I can see from here. Who am I to decide what the right thing is? It will be quite the ride, this finding out.
