Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

so i got off work at 6a this am. as i'm leaving work to go home to get in bed W texts me and asks if i'm going straight to bed. i tell her no so i can be there for her if she needs me (180). she tells me S wants his soccer jersey for a soccer camp that i registered him for a while back (its in my apartment). to be transparent apparently he told W it was at my apt last night and she does have a key. i just simply told her i was on my way. took the jersey over there and the kids weren't up yet. gave her the jersey and she let me see the tatoo again. she said that if i wanted i could stay a little while and help get the kids up. y'all shoulda seen their faces when they saw i was there to wake them up at Mama's. my D snuggled with me on the couch for a little while during which W made small talk. i told her i needed to go and she put out her hand to help me up and then opened her arms for a hug. i kinda smiled and hugged my little girl first and she kinda wimpered Daddy i miss you all the time. then my little boy gave me a hug. the the W gave me a huge hug with her arms over mine so we could get in close. while hugging she stroked my back a little bit. gave kids another hug and then she seemed to want another. gave her one (what can i say, i'm a giver-guess my LL-gifts). i'm not reading into anything so if there is anything i'm missing i'd really love to know. even people that i haven't talked to in years have called me recently have said "wow, you don't even sound like the same person". is she too close to the situation? i'm gonna maintain the course, limited contact (initiated only by her), be happy around her and act as if, work on my 180's (may go skydiving next week), and try not to be crushed by the soul stealing grief that strikes in waves out of the blue(the latest the memory of how happy she was picking me up at the airport in Feb-she ran up crying and jumped into my arms). hope all is well or at least getting better with everyone that reads this.