WAW - no contact, now refuses therapy, file?

[sandi2]

Glad you posted again, b/c I didn't want to see you disappear. I know things are really tough, and that's why you need the support here.

We got into an argument (she escalated) and I told her I am fine with talking about stuff like this but she always flips out.

If she had nothing to feel guilty about, then why should she flip out?

I

've realized lately that this is a major problem in everything - she flips a switch, throws up her wall, and gets angry/cold/mean during conflict instead of being a mature person and talking about things openly. Lots of work to do there.

Sounds like familiar behavior to me.

But something doesn't seem right. She says she is committed to working on the marriage but at her pace but she won't elaborate what that means. She's agreed to counseling again but we still haven't booked an appointment (she wants a new therapist since she felt the other was taking my side).
I still have not seen any changes on her part and she doesn't seem overly affectionate or loving right now - it's like she's there but there is a wall up although not as thick as a couple months ago.

I think you need to listen to these warnings.

She doesn't understand that it's not appropriate for a married woman to do that especially during a sensitive time like we were in with marriage in the balance.

Really? Would she think otherwise if the shoes were on you?

It's a dealbreaker for me.

Be sure she knows and understands your boundaries and deal
breakers. Know the difference in boundaries and ultimatums. If you lay down a boundary, be prepared to back it up.

As long as she finds some excuse to avoid MC, and doesn't appear to be making changes, there's a good chance she has not changed her mindset. And nothing will work well until she has a change of mindset. She will try to have it both ways, if she can.....and that doesn't work well for the LBH.