Umm Eric, I guess first I would say "See reply to T2", second, when W first left, D14 wanted to stay with me and not her mother. At the time she was told by both my W and me that she has no choice, that for now she has to split her time. What you need to keep in mind is this...D14 isn't choosing to live with her mom, not really. She is choosing exactly what any kid her age would choose...to be closer to her friends and with the parent that leaves them alone and isn't around to "get in the way". I completely understand this and I would have done the same thing at her age. I mean it's teen heaven to only have to see her mom for at most an hour a day! Especially when she knows that if her mom isn't around to do something for her, I have been taking up that slack. It really doesn't bother me that D14 would want this as to her she is invincible and nothing "bad" will ever happen whether there is a parent around or not. This is just typical teenager thinking.
The thing about the dog being at W's... what you don't know is this is a 180 on my W's part. The reason I found it so odd is because my W was adamant that wherever D14 was staying, the dog would go with her. There were a couple times when i kept the dog an extra night and w was upset about it. To suddenly say that I need to get her say so for something that was a given just a couple weeks ago is the weird thing here.
Wasn't going to say anything about my W needing to do something about the Skyping thing. I'm actually glad W even knew and brought it up with me. This was a positive really. Nothing at all "bad" to say about my W's response there.
Haven't said a word about the whole dog sitch to my D14. She was in school this morning when it happened so haven't even had a chance to yet. Definitely won't imply that her mom is "blowing it out of proportion". It's just a total change in W's attitude. In fact I wouldn't mind having the dog with me all the time if my D14 wouldn't mind. I live out in the country and she has lots of room. Of course, she does eat, A LOT.... If my W wants to have a "both of us have to buy in" attitude about the dog, that's fine with me. If this is a boundary for my W than man, it's a brand new one.
With my D19 I have had to actually pull her back with how angry she has become with her mom. There is no way that she would live with her mother and she has made that very clear. I know exactly why she doesn't live with me right now. She is trying to go on with her life. If she lived with me she would NEED a car, the closest business, a gas station, is 8 miles away and there are no buses or trans. that she can take and she knows i can't afford to help her get one right now. At one point I told her that I was thinking about selling the house and moving closer to her sister and she freaked out. She wants to know that if anything were to happen she still has a place in the home she grew up in and she does.
Like I said to T2, my W has every right to be whomever she wants, to set whatever boundries she likes with D14, have whatever attitude she likes about any part of her life. I don't have to like it but I also can't and won't even try and change it. All I can control is myself. I have been very careful about my reactions to my W when around my D's. It's up to them to decide how they feel about anything that goes on between them and her.
Everything you say is spot on, Eric. I don't disagree with any of it. I also want you to know that I do get it and have been very careful especially about showing any anger towards their mother or saying anything is "bad" or expressing that I think what she is doing is "wrong". I let them make that decision on their own.
