Ok, had an interesting 'encounter" with W this morning. Under less than ideal circumstances....
My D14 stayed at her mom's last night so she could go to "Cody"s" football game. She was running late yesterday morning so we couldn't take her dog with her and since she is going to stay at mom's again tonight because she has a dance recital tomorrow, asked if I would drop the dog off this AM. I pass the place on my way to work so I said that i would just drop her. Well, I get there and D14 isn't home. No one is home. Turns out that D14 had to be at school early this morning and her mom took her. I had to text her mom and she offered to come and let me in. Of course she made sure to let me know what a "pain" it was and how it's puts her out etc.
So, I wait and she shows up and isn't in a good mood. In fact she was in a very weird mood. I have seen her like this before, she is in one of her "anxiety" periods. She was talking a mile a min and moving around doing all kinds of things as she spoke to me. She was upset that I even considered bringing the dog to her place since D14 was going to come back to my place Saturday. When I told her D14 really wanted her dog with her and I was going by anyway she said "Yes, but she needs to learn she can't get whatever she wants. She needs to learn that she has to ask if BOTH parents are OK with having her dog here. I hate when she has that dog here, she sheds terribly and she peed in my bedroom 2 times last week!". OK, so I went into DB mode and validated her feelings and said that in the future I'll make sure to check if it's OK with her before I bring the dog. She then added that it wasn't fair to me and I shouldn't have to worry about stopping and dropping the dog off. OK, it is 5 min's out of my way and I really don't mind as D14 is alone every evening and having her dog makes her feel better but I just didn't say anything.
Then W starts in on how D14 is Skyping with the new boyfriend last night and she heard him say "I love you" to her. Now this is bad. They hardly know each other really and I didn't know he was being that way yet. W then tells me a story about when she was in 10th grade and some boy she was dating kept trying to get her to say she loved him and when she wouldn't he got angry. Later she heard that he was angry at another girl who did say it because she wouldn't have sex with him and she would if she loved him. I told W that I don't think D14 is going to fall for that but I would talk to her about it for sure. W seemed happy that I was willing to talk with D14. I asked about the dance thing and wanted to check to make sure what time I had to pick her up and W checked and showed me the paperwork so we got the right times. She said she was probably going to go and check it out so she may be there. Actually I was happy that she was going to go. I told her that our older D19 and her boyfriend were planning on coming down to go with D14 and I to a Pet Fest in our town after.
This started her up on a new topic. She said she has been trying to tell D19 that she should stop living with her boyfriend and come live with her and get a job there as there are lots of places for her to work around her house and that she won't ever save any money living with her BF. Not only that, she keeps asking W for gas money when she comes down to visit and "I'm stretched thin as it is and I can't afford it". She added that if she did that she could save for a car and after that she could live with me as it's closer to the college she wants to go to. She also said she can't afford to help her with college, went on and on about how she would charge her rent and save it and give it back to her when she moved out...like I said, W was talking a mile a min. and was VERY hyper! What she doesn't seem to understand is that D19 doesn't want to live with her mother. Her mom decided to turn one bedroom into an "office" and D14 and D19 would have to stay in the same room. Not only that she is angry at her mom and says she "can't count on her" and would never live with her. Not only that, W makes A LOT of money. Almost $90,000 a year and she is "stretched thin"? I made much less than that with 2 girls in private school, house payment and 2 car payments and we did fine. As for me, I just validated, smiled and said things like D19 really needs to make a better plan, etc. I did say that I am proud of D19 as since W left and she moved in with BF, she has been working very hard and being very responsible. To that my W just gave me a sour look and said that that was true but.... When W asked if I was getting asked for gas money when she visits I told her that I've been meeting them half way and I really don't have the money anyway. W asked about my still not having glasses and said "That was bad timing" since they broke when I was broke. I told her that I hope to have money soon and that I'm looking for a new job at the same time.
I told her that I really had to go and thanked her for coming to let in the dog and apol. for having my signals crossed with D14. She said it wasn't my fault and left it at that.
OK, what do I take from this? Seems like W is probably off her meds as this is how she gets whenever she stops taking them. Not my sand box, she doesn't want to take her meds that's her thing. I am bothered by the way she is about D14. Here is a 14 year old who has been through a lot of bad crap in the last year and is trying hard to make the best of her sitch. She earned having her own dog when she was just 10 years old and takes very good care of her. Is it really that bad having another dog there? W took one of our dogs with her and he gets lonely without D14's dog around and one more dog isn't that big a deal. It seems to me more about control than the dog. I really don't think W understands one bit all that both our girls are going through because of our M ending. She doesn't seem to get that it hurts them and they are trying to deal the best way they know how with a bad sitch! Is she really that blinded by her MLC? I guess the answer is yes. It really is sad to me that she is so wrapped up in herself and just can't seem to find any empathy for her girls. I really don't think she wants D14 to stay with her most of the time like D14 talked to me about. To me it seemed almost like she really was rather put off because D14 asked to stay with her during my week. (I got this from what she said when I called. She seemed upset that the reason D14 wanted to stay was because she had to be at school early but now she thinks it was because she wanted to go to football game to see BF). She is still losing weight and is rail thin not to mention (again) the hyper way she was behaving. I forgot to mention that when she talked about D19 living with her, she said "I would hate having her live here as she is always leaving messes everywhere...", she was just all over the place.
Not sure what to make of all this. I am glad W didn't want to talk about the d or money like she normally does. But I am a bit taken a back by the way she is behaving. I know there is nothing I can do about any of it. This is her life now and she has made it clear that she doesn't want me to be a part of it. She does still want me to be proactive with the girls but what she probably wouldn't like is that I disagree with some of the ways she wants to deal with them. Look, even when D14 has been staying with her, I've been able to take her places when W couldn't (or wouldn't), I've tried hard to be a stable force in her life and she needs it. It almost seems like D14 is a "bother" to her. Oh, well. That's between them. All I can do is keep being there for my D's, both of them and at least when with me they can have a stable parent who at least can understand what they are going through is a big stinking pile that neither one of them wanted. I will do what I think is best and all I can do is let my W deal how she wants.
