Raliced - Part Deux

[Shakspr]

Let me give you the other side of the coin.

My parents stayed married until my youngest brother started college.

They bickered daily/weekly depending on whether or not Dad was home (often out of town, in construction.) Put-downs, snark, disagreement and disappointment filled their conversations. Backing down and forgiveness were foreign concepts

My brothers and I bonded well, but we look at our parents as knuckleheads. Dad is verbally abusive and completely out of our lives, in spite of attempts by each of us (as adults) to re-initiate a relationship. He has severed that through actions repeatedly despicable.

Mom is bitter and permanently unhappy at her lot in life. Thinks the only thing she ever got right was raising her boys. Has been extremely crude and crass with wives and grandchildren. She doesn't know what the word appropriate means. I, of course, love her to pieces. But I need a Grandma for my kids.

We all tried to cope by doing virtually ANYTHING else with our lives, often a combination of service to country, corporate success, consistently good providers for our family, no infidelity. We live by principles. Unfortunately, we didn't develop very good relationship skills, often viewing the world through a lens of "us" vs. "everyone who disagrees with us."

I mention this only to say...you are already trying harder, and actually thinking about what it takes, to be a better parent. No matter what your H does. If you did nothing else for the rest of your life but read DB/DR, and applied those principles to relationship building...if you simply stop going down cheeseless tunnels... your children will be better for it.

Home is where the heart is. You've got tons of that.