Good morning, bug! So I will try to remember to report back on the condition of the cabins - but Google AZ Cabin Fever - they're up in Heber Overgaard outside of Payson. They have a pretty easy-to-navigate website and great rates - one BR cabins for like $99/night. We are very much looking forward to getting out of town.

25 - going back to your post for a minute, I know to my core that I was trying to be kind during the D process. Mostly, for better or for worse, because I didn't want to make my situation WORSE and push her away even faster. Was she as equally kind? No. Did she see ANYTHING I did as kindness? Nah, I don't think so - but I have to make a modicum of peace with that. I talked to my IC about it this week and she basically said that she (XW) was in a very, very major state of fear at that point.....afraid of losing S, afraid of not being able to survive on her own -- and when you are in that place you are basically in "survival mode" and your ability to objectively process the actions of others is severely compromised....ESPECIALLY the actions of the person at the center of the storm - in this case, yours truly. I don't mean this in a pejorative way, but at the time she was kind of like a cornered animal - scared to death and willing to fight if it meant her life was on the line. Unfortunately, I think I was viewed as the aggressor in that situation - even though I know I was not. As a result, anything that I did or said that went against what she wanted was viewed as an act of aggression or contempt. For example, fighting for equal time with our S -- she has since told me that she was afraid I was going to try to take him away from her...and since my dad and sister are attorneys (federal prosecutors) I had the "horsepower" to do it. Soooo - she fought like hell for custody. NONE of what she feared was real - but in that "cornered animal" state I am sure it looked very real to her.

Anyhooo, what do I do with that? The time is not yet here for me to bring all of that to the table -- but it is coming. We are doing very, very, very well with talking and working out what are feelings are/were -- so we will get there. I guess what I was trying to say was that there are certain things that I am going to have to let go of to some degree. Many of them I already have. I'll say it again - because of you I am pretty much in a place where I understand that agreeing on the past is not as important as agreeing on the future.

More later.

Crimson