Where I struggle is on the "time" issue. I know that I should be patient. Based on my wife's actions and words, I know she is struggling with her decision on what to do. I know that is why she wants time. My moving towards divorce is putting pressure on her, which may or may not be a good thing. But how can she make a clear choice if the OM is in the picture?
She can't. Which is why any good IC worth their salt would advise her to separate herself from BOTH of you while she decides. Or, work at it with you and go NC with OM. But trying to have you both at the same time, even if it's a "we need to cool it for awhile" arrangement with OM, is NOT going to allow her to make any kind of a good decision here.
