If I fall out of love with her, it's definitely over.
Seriously, Card? Isn't that why you are here to begin with? You got the ILYBNILWY speech? But you are here because you believe that she could be in love with you again, or that love is a choice not a feeling, or......why exactly? What rule are you applying to her but not yourself? Don't be upset with me, that's a sincere question.
Seriously, Card? Isn't that why you are here to begin with? You got the ILYBNILWY speech? But you are here because you believe that she could be in love with you again, or that love is a choice not a feeling, or......why exactly? What rule are you applying to her but not yourself? Don't be upset with me, that's a sincere question.
Don't get me wrong, rppfl, but what I hear Card saying is that he realizes that minimizing contact is going to help him preserve his motivation.
I see other LBSs get so angry and punishing when they give up. I was there, too. Pulling away helped me remember why I was fighting. That's what I think he's saying. He's not pulling away for her or to punish her, but to help him get through this. Isn't that the essence of DBing? Developing new habits that will help help you survive and thrive through the crisis?
Card, you've got D2's calendar worked out now, so it's time for you to fill in other spaces with your GALing. What is on your list of GAL items?
Even though money is tight, there is stuff you can do. My local adult ed offers fun classes starting at $5 a class on up. My ballroom classes are only $7 a week. That is, like, two Starbucks drinks a week. And you meet new people! New people somehow help you remember who you used to be before the MLC started.
You can take some kind of art class, which is really healing for those grieving a loss. You can take jiu jitsu! Poker lessons! Learn a language! Go to a Nascar event. Do stuff that is ONLY FOR YOU. Not for D2. Not something you think W will like.
Turn away from your W. Turn instead to your future without your W. If she follows or not, all three of you will benefit in the long run.
Once I committed to this plan, I felt so much better. I did at least 2 GAL activities a week, sometimes more. All of them very cheap.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
If I fall out of love with her, it's definitely over.
Seriously, Card? Isn't that why you are here to begin with? You got the ILYBNILWY speech? But you are here because you believe that she could be in love with you again, or that love is a choice not a feeling, or......why exactly? What rule are you applying to her but not yourself? Don't be upset with me, that's a sincere question.
Nitty has it right. I'm just saying that if I continue with this weird friendzone thing we're in, where the majority of the time she is cold and almost acts mad at me even though I have really done nothing to anger her, even before BD, then my love for her is going to fade just like hers faded for me, and then our M will be essentially over. So I'm going to pull back even harder to preserve any chance for our M and also for me to be happier.
Before BD I was trying to be a great H, but I was ignorant to EN's, LL's, etc. I totally understand why she fell out of love with me. I went through the same thing with her 4 years ago and came back more in love than ever. Seen through the lens of EN and LL, I fully understand how that happened. Love is not a choice or magic, it is a reaction. I understand how and why she feels the way she does, I just don't understand her actions. I am giving her all the space she wants, yet she has become very shady and dodgy like she doesn't trust me.
I still don't want to shut her out if she wants to meet up, which she does every couple of weeks. But me sending her pics and updates of D2, etc, I think I am going to hold off on that stuff for at least a couple of weeks.
Nitty, Ive been doing pretty well with GAL but injuries and weather lately have shut a lot of my existing GALs down. I have been doing a salsa class for 1-1/2 months now, and it is the coolest thing. I would love to do it with W someday, but it is all for me now. And I would continue to do it even if she files. Although if you read earlier, that has thrown a little wrench into everything as the super attractive instructor has been more and more flirty. But I'm not contacting her outside of class, so it's not affecting me too much.
I do have an art project lined up that I need to start (pumpkin decoration for a contest at work). I have been contemplating an art or cooking class. I also have been thinking about restarting a volunteer commitment I used to do. I wi definitely pick one of the two. There is also a running club that runs a 5K every Wednesday then hangs out afterwards. Might start joining them when I don't have D2
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Actually most people that have given me the "at least she's young" speech are well-wishing outsiders.
Yeah, my favorite are "Kids are resilient." Yes, they seem to be at the time, but isn't a basic psychological tenet to look at one's childhood later in life? That's where we are stepping up as parents and understand we need to help them through a situation that they themselves have no control over. Hopefully they can look back when their older and understand that this time in their lives, while difficult, showed how much we love them. I'm definitely following your thread as it seems like our sitch's are very similiar.
Well I got a lesson in mind reading, again. Regarding her mysterious decision to drop D2 off at my mom's Sunday night without telling me...I was not remembering that daycare is closed on Monday, my mom already took Monday off to watch D2, and my mom requested to WAW to drop D2 off Sunday night instead of 6:00 am Monday morning when WAW goes to work.
Doh.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
I understand that you read DR, however many of your comments sound contrary to that. Is there anything you don't understand?
MrBond, I never got clarification for what you meant. Can you find specific comments that suggest to you I don't understand something about DB? I ask out of respect for your experience.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Wow did I just have an emotional swing. I was feeling good, walking through the mall with D2. I turned down a hall and a wave of emotion came over me about WAW. That was where I was standing in December of 2004 when she called me, told me she broke up with her BF and told me she loved me. We had flirted Spring of 2004, then she came back to school in the fall engaged after a 6 week courtship with some guy from her hometown. I thought we were going to start dating that fall, by she thought I wasn't into her. Throughout that fall, her engagement fell apart and I told her how I felt about her.
So that hallway was where I was when our R started. It was nowhere close to my mind before I walked there tonight. It came out of nowhere. It hurts like hell.
Detach is slipping! But I'm fighting it. Putting D2 to bed at my mom's, then meeting friends at planetarium.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
