Putting my life back together

[NewLeaf]

Feeling better now a couple of days removed. Big adjustment, but it is easier to have the house to myself. I really miss her though.

In our last conversation when she left I told her that I wasn't willing to be friends, while OM is in her life, that it would be too painful. She seemed genuinely confused about this, asking why and crying hysterically, which was so painful to see and so hard to not try to comfort her. She came back to the house at least once when I wasn't around to pick up some stuff. She's emailed me a couple of times, just forwarding things she thought I would find interesting. I haven't responded yet, and don't think I will, it was more just informational and didn't include a question. Don't know how to navigate this, I don't think I will respond at all unless it is something to do with the house or the mediation. I don't want to mislead her into thinking we will have a relationship after our divorce if she truly pursues it, I just don't think I can do that.

I am leaving tonight for Toronto for the weekend with my brother and a couple friends. Going to the hockey Hall of Fame, and catching a Leafs/Penguins game. Will be nice to put some distance between all this, shut off the phone for the weekend, and have some time away.