Need help

[lostluv]

thanks for the posts. I ordered Divorce remedy and should be here by monday.
I understand it takes time and the rollercoaster is ongoing....it really stinks!
the GAL and detach part is VERY hard for me!!! one of her original complaints was "you're not there for me" and "you don't help out enough"
I did EVERYTHING wrong the first month or so....EVERYTHING!!!

I'm really struggling with the detach - she said at the last counseling session "i don't know what I want" and suggested a separation "to see if I even miss anything (relationship)" because she feels all she is doing is hurting me and she would just be better off alone - originally was planning a 2 week....which is nothing.

However, I really need to look at the positive because after the first few sessions she said she was pretty much ready to be done. That's when i REALLY started the DBing and backing off.

as for the GAL, i've went to hang out with my friend a few times at his house, I even went to a movie alone. I did go out to a bar where my nephew was working and had a few drinks .
I started back taking martial arts (haven't been committed to that in 20 yrs)and have set my 1st goal to obtain my brown belt which I was ready to test for 20 yrs ago...but didn't.....I just need to refresh so should be a couple months or so before testing.
I work out at least 5 days a week - I have a full gym in my basement. I have thought about going to a gym but i'm pressed for time as it is working 3rd shift.
last weekend I did NOT sleep in our bed with my wife, even though there is NO chance for sex i am trying to give her space - during week isn't an issue because i'm not home when my wife sleeps.

like i said, i'm struggling with the detachment and having issues finding GOOD 180's. I'm just trying to do things around the house as if I was just living there alone and keeping things up.

we bought the house little over a year ago. i busted my butt HARD to completely gut the kitchen and remodel it with plans of doing the two bathrooms next. I did start the small bathroom and the wife actually painted it. then she primed the livingroom as we had been planning for months. I did help her a little.

here is how my negativity hurts me....I wonder if she is helping with remodeling because she is planning on staying OR is she just trying to make the house more presentable so we can sell it quicker when the time comes? why can't I just be happy that we are getting some of the work done.

really struggling