In limbo, need to figure out next steps (thread #5

[25yearsmlc]

I just texted back "I was planning to use the time along to sort things out myself."

She texted back "ok".

I know her convo will be more of the same...i was so unhappy, but this is a big decision, you seem to be taking D lightly; we always do things on your agenda, so this is more of you being controlling, etc.

None of that will help our situation.

I am not taking the D lightly and this breaks my heart. I just cannot share my W with a third party. That is non negotiable.

THIS^^^ is clear, to the point, firm but showing pain while also being strong. It's also not obnoxious. I THINK this would move me if I were in your w's shoes, though in some ways I can only empathize to a point.


Even if she actually ended it, how would I know? How could I trust her again?

THIS^^^greatly Troubles me. IF you won't ever trust her again, no matter what, why should she bother trying to stay married? "Why climb Mt Everest if you're not going to enjoy the view?"

Of course I don't mean you "Should" trust her "NOW"... But if you cannot ever even imagine doing that, and you KNOW this with certainty, then you may as well divorce and move on now...

Ideally, if you could be granted your "marital wish" starting today,

Would You prefer to...

1) Reconcile with your wife, & create a wonderful, intimate NEW marriage:

OR

2) Split up, go your own way, and find a MRS WONDERFUL, all for you....??

Try to give this question a lot of honest thought & reflection b/c I sense a disconnect between the goals you once had here, and what you may be want, from now on...or as they say in the vows, "From this day forward".

Think you could you ever move "from this day forward" and let go of the past?

BTW, I think those words in our vows, are genius.

We all have to let go of our pasts, regardless of what they contain. Too much baggage helps NO marriage...



She acts all loving and caring now...but I do not trust her or her actions.

She, and You, need actions to match the words AND then add TIME to the recipe.

OR...not. Your choice. Try to see that as empowering...and carry on; we are all rooting for you.