Depressed WAW, digging in, learning about myself

[Card29]

I had the thought earlier - I almost need some darkness between us, if nothing else, to preserve the love I have for her. I am just very unimpressed by her right now. My goodness she is going to have a lot of work to do on herself if she's EVER going to have a successful M, even if it's not with me. I have not given her a single reason to be mad at me since BD and yet she gets short and rude with me about once a week. I have never bit on her angry outbursts. I validate what is necessary, give her space, and then it smooths out. A few times she has apologized. But she seems unfazed that she is ripping apart her family.

I really hope her apparent disregard for me and especially D2 is just a symptom of her fog. Her anger has been an issue for years, so if we do piece, she will need to work on that. That is not even on my mind, though, because before then, a miracle will have to happen and she'll have to do the most selfless, pride-swallowing thing of her life and choose to work on our M (i.e. do what she knows is right even though it is hard and not immediately self-serving).

At least now we have the D2 calendar ironed out for the foreseeable future. The house is really hot right now, though. I really need like a week without talking to her right now. The coldness, angry outbursts, etc... it is doing nothing but harm to my happiness and my love for her (a.k.a. the only thread of our M still in one piece). It's time to "do something different".