Divorced and moving out.....still hopeful

[Card29]

83, what is something new you will try for YOU in the month of Oct? Pick something out of left field and go try it, then te us about it. I picked salsa lessons (I don't dance) and it was the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. I've been 4 or 5 times now, starting to get compliments!

[NewB3]

My final walk through went great. Have been helping around the home here, prior to my exit. Cleaning and prep for realtors caravan. I was thanked very much several times. Being the guy only a fool.....
Well, I have been getting in things for my new home. got utilities and cable/web changed. Let her know today that Cable/web would be off Saturday if she wanted to call for the channels she wants. Working on packing up and getting truck lined up. Moving in right after closing, but reality is I will not be there for the night until Sunday. Will be packing some last minute boxes after I load truck tomorrow night. Have a buddy coming over Friday evening for big pieces of furniture. Will spend Saturday unpacking to bring empty boxes back over. Well, actually I'll let her worry about coming to get them. I need to move and cannot unpack and take my time. Technically, I have until 10/25, but the sooner the better. That is what she wanted...move forward. I am moving forward and focusing on me. I have no time for classes, or other things as I have painting and renovations to do myself. Making that place my own. S11 will be there to help me this weekend, my birthday. Not heard about s3.5 coming over, so I will get him for dinner on my birthday. Not asking earlier and she has not mentioned my special day. NP, I will make it what I want.
I did ask for our foreign marriage cert. It was not a welcome request, but said I could have it. I commented that I just did not want it thrown away. I was told that it would not be thrown out. I will not ask again, we will see. Reality is about to be a slamming door to her. I am not interested in being friends right now. If she wants more than that, we can talk. However, for now, going dark.
Thanks for this post advice, I am not sure what all I need to be doing other than focus on me. Is there a good post DB book? I did find a you tube series on getting over it and staying strong. More of setting boundaries for the non-friendship relationship.

[NewB3]

Did my banking this afternoon, got S11 from school. WAW dropped me at truck rental place and offered dinner at her parents as the house was being shown tonight. This totally threw off my schedule. After dinner, got home and loaded 80% of the truck.
Tomorrow is moving day. Birthday weekend for me too. Nothing has been mentioned of this and I am fine, other than the kids. I will wait and see if I can get S3.5 for dinner Sunday. Not inviting her. Remember, she wants the moving boxes. I am not offering to deliver and she said she will come get them. We will see.
Been watching coach corey wayne stuff. I think it is helping me prepare for staying OUT of the friend zone. She knows how I feel, not that I have shared it lately. I am being the mountain...She, mother nature. Comes and goes, good and bad.
I am making my stand while going dark. Should she reach out in the next few months, I will need your help.

Wish me luck! off the web for the next few days.

[wmwb123]

Good luck, buddy!

[NewB3]

I moved out. Things are going well for me. I've been doing some updating to the home and lots of cleaning and some small repairs. The kids love the house and yard. And I have made several plans and gone out with the guys several times. I am not looking for companionship or dates at this point.
I had my first visitation with S3 .5 & S 11 I week ago. When asked 3.5 came back midweek I ask him if he missed me. Of course he said no. I told him how much I missed him and that we were going to have fun. He asked if we were going to my house and Was excited about it. He then tells me that mommy had been sad and crying I asked why and he said because she misses daddy.


I didn't say much about it after that but it got me thinking I tend to notice the small things of how she make sure you go out of her way to say goodbye and say my name. She will have to make eye contact to do that.One instance was the time when asked 3.5 left for the weekend prior to him telling me that she cried. She starts putting him in her car, and then says to me that I can finish loading him up and say my goodbyes. She goes to her side of the car, get sand, and put on her seatbelt. I tell him goodbye. I'm about to close the door and she leans so far back between the seats with her seatbelt on that her head is almost in his lap she looks directly at me and says goodbye talk to you soon.
I do not call her I do not email her, or send her text messages. I called her last week to talk about some problems she asked me to help with with the mail. I handled it and got off the phone first. I knew she would call me back this week regarding Halloween. She did call and ask me if I was coming to pick up some more his things for my home. I told her that I would be by this evening and she said to give her a call and let her know when. We discussed her having a contract on her home I told her congratulations and that I was happy for her. I was quick to get off the phone. When discussing picking up his things I was not going to mention Halloween. If you look back at my previous post I had mentioned that maybe she could come with us trick-or-treating. She didn't comment or look at me when I mentioned that several weeks ago as if she didn't hear me. So when she was talking last night she said and what are your plans for Halloween? I told her that we were going to go downtown to the city trick-or-treat event and she said oh, well that sounds fun. However, since she asked I told her she is more than welcome to join us if you would like I left it at that. Her reply was yes, sure that sounds like a lot of fun. I've been watching a lot of coach Cory Wayne things on YouTube and I'm doing my best to make her come to me I just hope I'm doing the right things. I just don't agree with him saying that you should be very friendly to your ex call her babe and give her hugs and Trader Joe's like a girlfriend to keep you from getting put in the friend box. I am not ready to call her babe her but mom around her at this point but I am allowing her to move closer to me as I stand still. I'm doing dark the best that I can.

[NewB3]

I am continuing cognitive therapy. My therapist is letting me kind of guy and dealing with my current situation as opposed to just dealing with me. He is been very good about making connections between things I've done in past relationships and things that happened in this one. It is very helpful. I am ready to start posting here again.
As I told him I am expecting the call one day that she wants me back. However, I am not waiting on that call.

[NewB3]

went last night to get some more stuff for S3.5 from her home. I had a toy for the dog. He loved it. Made her smile and S3.5 was full of hugs.
She is getting sick and will not go downtown. She said she does not want to be around a lot of people while sick. She followed with, if you were going to be trick o treating in your neighborhood, it would be different. I gave no comment. I had brought in his school pics. She asked my to cut them and said that she did not want to do it as I always had. "you do a better job than I would." she said as she got the scissors.
As i was leaving (btw, car was washed and clean. I was in shirt and tie) S3.5 was asked to give me a hug. I picked him up and held him, he then leaned over towards her for a hug. Ended up a group hug. He then got down running in circles around her saying " mommy was crying and that was a joke." He kept repeating that he was telling a joke. She must not have heard him, because she informed me that by joke he meant he was telling the truth. She corrected him.

. I am kind, but distant. Try joking a little to make her smile and keep it lite. I do not touch her. I make little eye contact, but am very confident. Stick to business.
Her actions when I leave are like she wants to spend more time talking and looking at me. ( see previous post about leaving) S3.5 has said she cries and misses me. She verifies his "joking" is him "telling the truth". She has not reached out in any way.
So what do I do to keep her interested while she misses me? Do I act interested or keep holding out on communication and being dark as possible? If she is crying, is that doubt creeping in that she made the wrong "gut" decision?

[NewB3]

I had a tough weekend with the S3.5 & S 11. Halloween was just us and my new neighborhood was lacking, so we went to grandparents area that has every home giving candy. Ex did not come although the plans had changed to walking.
Heard she had not been sleeping well. Also, talked to her father and brother about crying in front of S3.5 and missing me. Father said she has been under a lot of stress with work and such too. Funny, I reminded him of the point he made back when I talked about my D with him. "Is she sure that it is not a work stress thing that is making everything else seem bad?" Well, I am out and she has the home to herself. Still feeling that way and now missing me.
Back to me. My weekend was tough with both kids as there was a lot of arguing and back and forth aggravating. I had a talk with both of them about being calm and talking about things, instead of coming to tell Dad about he did this or that. Little one was tired and laid down on the couch. Older one sat on the other side watching TV. Me, I sat and a wave of missing her hit. I wept. I know I cannot discuss R stuff with her and have to remain upbeat. I failed this weekend. She called sunday afternoon about pickup of S3.5. I was very quiet and to the point on the phone. She asked if everything was okay. I said " yes". She then followed with, " Well if you need anything, just call me." We finished the pickup talk and got off the phone.
She arrives later and notices how clean the home is and that one room is now complete, other than curtains. Hugs the S11 several time and starts conversations with him. S3.5 does not want her there and asks her to leave. He gets upset. He took her to his room to show some new furniture. She looked in S11 room and commented on how nice and then went to S3.5 room. My door was closed.
I am trying to stay dark. I know she will have to approach me about the R. How do I stay upbeat and such around her? I want to not have much to say and be indifferent. Which is the best approach? Corey Wayne says one thing, but going dark says another. I do feel that she will reach out at some point over the holidays. I know I need to let her come to me. How can I show I am open to that w/o pursuing or looking needy?
Mr. Bond? You still here? Help me please.

[NewB3]

I don't think I mentioned above that while I wept, I gave S3 .5 a hug told him I loved him and whispered in his ear I miss mommy too. After he was asleep ass one one asked me what was wrong and I said I just had a tough day and told him that I missed her also.

[NewB3]

So sorry for that typo. iPhone translation of S11 was so very incorrect.

I don't think I mentioned above that while I wept, I gave S3 .5 a hug told him I loved him and whispered in his ear I miss mommy too. After he was asleep ass one one asked me what was wrong and I said I just had a tough day and told him that I missed her also.