Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

thanks shake.
someone gets it, although i wish no one had to go through our own version of the st. crispin's day battle. we few, we precious few, that stood together...

it's surreal that after 15+ years i now know i can't just pick up the phone to call her and hear her voice cause she doesn't want to hear mine! she used to call me all the time or jump on the bed and just say "hey" in this chipper way that i miss so much. and it somehow contained so much love in that little word. i miss that during the night, i would sometimes feel her feet rub mine like she was just reminding herself that i was still there. all those times that i would try something new or see something and the first thought on my mind would be "i wonder if W would like this". or waiting out in the driveway when i knew she was coming home with groceries. or how she would sometimes come up behind me and wrap her arms around my waist and put her face in my back. or at night when she was cold she would ask to "sharm my warm". i miss my W and feel as if i'm dying! it's been 4 months but my pain is just as bad as the first day, only now its more real.