Need help to save my marriage

[Lmsm]

I have lurked on DB for 2 months, I'm finally getting enough courage to post.

Separated for 2 months, married for almost 14 years, and together for 15 years. I have 2 kids from my first marriage, they are ages 17 and 19. My husband is like a father to both the kids.

Our house is in one state and we have an apartment in another state 5 hours away for work (for my husband).

Here it goes. 1 year ago I was drinking with a few friends. I'm not a big drinker, I just wanted to relax. A neighbors adult son was hitting on me, I turned him down- I made it very clear I wasn't interested. I ended up going to the same neighbors house with a couple guys that are family friends to play pool. I realize this was a mistake. After a little while the neighbors son said he was going to show me their house- I had never gone in the house before and agreed- big mistake- in all honesty I never thought it was more than him showing me the house. The neighbors son ended up pushing me up against the wall and kissed me. I was shocked/ caught off guard and ended up kissing back after a few seconds.
The kiss lasted less than a minute, I immediately left the house and have avoided this guy since. I felt violated and still do a year later.

I didn't tell my husband because he hated this guy. Well, my husband found out 2 months ago and left me.

I admit I was in the wrong, I should have never gone to play pool or been drinking without my husband there. I never asked for him to kiss me or give him ANY reason to think it was okay.

Just so you know more background- 13 years ago I had an affair that lasted a couple days- I have spent the last 13 years making it up to my husband.

My husband has been staying at the apartment and me at the house. I have seen drove 5 hours each week to see him on days off and usually end up staying 3-4 days. We get along great, movies, sex, weekend getaways, kayaking, basically acting like we did before the separation.

He told me the other day he loves me but isn't in love with me, this absolutely ripped the heart from my chest. He did tell me he loves me and if anything ever happened to me it would kill him. We text back and forth all the time and email, occasional phone calls. He will even kiss me goodbye and tell me he loves me when I say it first. I do get upset sometimes but am working hard to put a smile on when around him.

I want my husband back. He's my soul mate, my best friend, and I'm so in love with him.

I need your expert advice on how to proceed. Should I keep going to see him on his days off? I'm lost, I don't want to push him away since I'm the one who messed up. At the same time I want him to fall back in love with me and us stay married. I enjoy spending time with him and we are having more fun together than we have in years- he has told me the same thing.

I admit fault in everything that happened. Please don't be to hard on me, I'm barely hanging on as it is.

Thank you for helping in anyway you can