So today is my 4th wedding anniversary and it's been an unhappy year. This is my first post here. I have posted about my situation on another forum but since I've read the DR and have attempted to understand and implement some of the suggestions, I thought I should share my experiences on this forum and perhaps gain some support.
Together for 14 years, happily married for 3. Got the bomb last Feb and things began to improve until Apr. Then every step was a step backwards to the point where my wife is completely checked out and deciding whether to endure the pain of leaving over staying and working on our relationship. She's very much leaning towards leaving and would go in a heartbeat if it meant no guilt or pain. She is reluctant to open herself to trust because she says she has been hurt every single time she has let her guard down. Nothing deliberate but the disconnection between us is causing us both to be very raw with pain.
I'm currently working away from home, returning back home on the occasional weekend. She has requested NC during my time away so that she can use the space to evaluate her feelings and make a decision. I am respecting those wishes but today has been especially painful given that we were so intimately happy this time last year.
I have almost lost all hope. I can feel how appalling the distance is between us and whilst she would like her feelings to return, she does not believe that they can. Everyone around her affirms this to her and when I suggest otherwise she views it as criticism and that I'm trying to convince her. From what she's said, she'd like to see if the NC will make her miss me and reignite her feelings, but I think that this is misguided or she is not being honest with me. I do not know really because despite our heart-to-heart conversations, I don't think either of us are on the same page with this relationship.
We both want exactly the same from a relationship and we have the same ideals and principles - but I want it and believe it's possible in this relationship whereas she does not.
