Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

so the W got off work at 8a this am. texted me to say she would be up at 11 to get D. told her to all the time she needed. she texted at 1330 that she forgot to set alarm and bring D whenever and she might be in the shower. took D over and W answered the door. she looked SO BEAUTIFUL! she had just woken up and had a shirt with no bra on on sleep shorts. i asked if i could see the tatoo. she pulled down a good part of her shorts near the hip so i could see it. it's pretty big-i think that is one of the ways she is "claiming herself". told her if anyone could pull it off she could. i was honestly preoccupied with the skin i saw. she asked if it was so bad that it had to be "pulled off". told her no just that it was a big difference from her original small daisy tatoo. she apologized again for the alarm and i told her don't worry about it it was my pleasure to help. D got teary as i was leaving and gave me a big hug and said she was gonna miss me. i gave wife and hug and as i was leaving i heard her tell D that's a sweet daddy isn't he. i miss her and my family so much. i'm still letting her initiate contact, no R talks, being pleasant, even at soccer games/practices i stand off to the side and let her come to me if she chooses (she always does). the GAL part of it is where i struggle. i work out and started playing my guitar again but not much time to do other things as i work nights. i would love to do some volunteer work and i'm gonna look into that. my life is being there for my kids and yes my W (180) although i don't advertise that to her or walk around asking what i can do for her. struggling...