In limbo, need to figure out next steps (thread #5

[shodan]

25yrs...I mentioned to my coach that i am pursuing the D via mediation. I recounted for her the calls that we had (all of which I mentioned here as well). I also read the text message to my DB coach and recounted the spew my W had mentioned on Monday night (when she figured out that I broke into her phone). I then mentioned that we did not sleep well Monday night and that mid way through the night my wife rolled over and fell sleep on me (which is how she used to always sleep with me). When she woke up, she said that was the deepest sleep she has had in a long time and that sleeping on me is the only way she can ever fall asleep. I said something like "yeah, which makes it pretty ironic that we are moving towards a divorce. I am the same way..I sleep best when I am with you."

I also recounted that I have been very positive around her and showing PMA. I will tell her when she looks nice for work and say it with a smile. I still bring her coffee every morning for example.

Finally, one thing my W said to me Tuesday morning was that our vacation were always great. She just hated the day to day and coming home from work. So I told her that perhaps we need to reevaluate our day to day and make it more like a vacation. Don't be so scheduled, don't prioritize work, etc. We already had made some big changes to make life easier and better (I quit martial arts, which took a lot of my time during the week; we have our nanny working longer hours to make it easier for us; our kids are doing less activities after school).

So after all of that, my DB coach said that my W is pulling back (to some extent) from the OM but not enough to admit to the A and edit it. She said this could be an opportunity to show my W a little of what life could be like while also pursuing the D. She said that if I go dark, my W may see this as more of the same behavior that led to our situation (I was not available for her, I did not prioritize her, I did not act like I wanted to spend time with her, etc.). But she also recognized that this would hurt my ability to detach.

I hope that helps. I really appreciate any and all feedback and input.