Hello there, 1Wish. I have been ducking in and out of your thread for awhile -- basically because I read mostly anything 25 posts - cause, well, she basically saved my a$$ along with a crew of others (including Bond).
So regarding counseling, your friends are way off the mark...and possibly not in the same situation as you so they are in no true position to derive the value of counseling for you or not. Changing sux. Badly...it's painful, it's humiliating at times, and it can drain you emotionally - but those EXACT same words can be said about the divorce process. I have been through counseling and I have been through divorce. Care to guess which one brought my XW and me back closer together? It's a fairly obvious answer.
Counseling is a good faith sign to yourself that you are wanting and willing to change - and if you are lucky, you W too. Nonetheless, you have to admit that you have issues - which you have kinda done - but you have not necessarily DONE anything about them. Nothing proactively, anyway....that would allow you to cosign for your own actions.
Despite the difficulty of counseling and change it is THE MOST liberating experience ever. Admitting fault gives you power - the power to DO something about it. That is what I did, and that is what has made a monumental change in my situation (my XW is moving back and donated the bed from her condo and our S's bed to a refugee family today). Had I not gone to counseling and LISTENED to the people that hit me on the nose with rolled up newspapers like I was a cocker spaniel that pooped on the rug, NOTHING would have changed for me or my situation -- I assure you.
There are bad counselors out there - I had 1 or 2, but they are NOT vultures looking to take your money at a time of weakness. Wanna know who is, though? Divorce lawyers. Where do you want you want to spend your money?
You can do it. Ignore your friends. Get help. Go to counseling. It will help.
