Shakspr #3; Love's Labours Lost

[Shakspr]

Now or post-divorce? Does he have police record?
What would your goal be in doing that?

You've probably heard this before but the only way through it, is through it. Some days will be good, some days will be not so good. You're in charge of your PMA. Start and end your day with a gratitude list. (What is MR?)

Sounds good. You should have no reason for contact other than the children, right?

Actions always speak louder than words, if you become the man you say you're working toward, she can't help but notice.

From what you wrote about your R history in your fist posts here, if your W does have second thoughts it may not be for a very long time. She's going to have to be very assured that your changes are real. So settle in, it's a marathon...

Now. Post-D, why would she listen to me at all? Or maybe, that is the time. My goal in reaching some agreement is threefold.

1) I checked and checked myself on this. This is reason 1. I don't want my children around another man until they have had ample time to adjust to their new reality. Like, a year. And if her EA is the guy...well, it burns like fire and as many others have mentioned, that will be a truth that will come out eventually.

2) I want to give the R with OM ample time to burn out if it can/will. If she's bringing him around the children, it will be a sign of a much greater commitment. Yes, this is manipulative. But she hasn't been unmarried for more than 1 year and 1 month since she was 21. I want a chance, I'll be honest.

3) OM doesn't have a criminal record, so far as I can tell from cursory searching. His brother, who also works at the gym, may.

Getting through it by getting through it, gotcha. Gratitude list is excellent. Forgiveness through my prayers has been helping, too. MR is mind reading.

I have PLENTY of reasons for wanting contact. But none of them are good, for me, for her, or for DB'n. So keep it friendly and kick butt as a Dad.

labug, I really appreciate you hanging in there for me. My first post was the worst of the stuff over 14 years - none of that really applied to the last couple of years. (Except my increasingly poor reaction to my SSM - I haven't chronicled that here at all because it doesn't really matter right now). I hope you don't think too poorly of me...it wasn't all like that. But even if you do, you've taken the time to help me in spite of my shortcomings, with no expectation of help in return. You are a woman of immense grace.