KGirl - 7 months later...

[KGirl]

I don't have anything progress-worthy to report, but thought posting might help me pass some time until I have to take kitty to the vet in a few hours. I discovered a string of some kind hanging out of kitty's mouth that is not loose, so I'm worried he might have half-swallowed something and it's stuck in his digestive system (TMI?) Going to the vet for the urgent visit. I'm stressed not only for his healthy (although he doesn't seem bothered at all by a 1cm. string hanging out of his mouth?) but some of you might recall I had a rough time trying to get him in a cat carrier before and had to cancel an appt. This time I think I'll be better prepared - I'll attempt it in the bathroom with the door closed,and I have a big carrier with an open top that hopefully will be easier to dump him in. Another reminder of how some things are hard to do on your own.

So, I let myself get my expectations up a little and then disappointed myself. Grr. Some of you may also remember that back in May I got a letter from a secret admirer that apparently rode my bus. Earlier this week I got a LinkedIn invitation from someone I didn't think I knew, and long story short,figured out it was my secret admirer! Back when I got the letter I did tell H about it out of a sense of wanting to be honest and transparent (I know, I know... even though he wasn't, I guess I thought that by modeling open/honest behavior it would encourage him to do so). So I texted him letting him know I found out who it was. he wrote back with lots of questions- how did I find out,how creepy is that, do I recognize him, etc. I felt like we were actually having a conversation! Then he said "so do you find him attractive?" Well,I sure don't, but wonder if I should have said yes to be a little more mysterious/act as if I'm moving on. I don't know. I said no and then he stopped responding. So then I was disappointed because I started having an expectation that we were talking again. Grr. Back on the NC wagon for me.

In other news, I've been doing some fun things on my own as well as with friends and family - went to festivals, craft fairs, and am signed up for some crafty continuing ed type courses at the university where I work. Trying to stay busy. I gained back the weight I lost from the BD diet and then some so trying to get that under control and pay a little more attention to what I eat. This is a tricky one for me because I like to indulge in things like cheese, wine, etc. And I need to be careful about whether losing weight and how much is about what I want, vs. what I think H wants. H had made some comments about me gaining weight and how I wasn't the same size as when we met. I get that a big change can be concerning and it's unfair to expect your partner to be OK with anything, but I also just can't be the same size I was at 18 (and I wear size 8 pants, and we're talking gaining 15-20 lbs. over the past 10 years). Just because he can stay the same size doesn't mean I can!! If nothing else, the secret admirer thing has shown me that if someone can like me without ever talking to me and just seeing me/overhearing conversations, there's got to be lots of non-creepy dudes out there who could love me once they meet me!

I am still angry from time to time that H hasn't professed any decisions or where he's at. It's hard for me to believe he's actually doing any thinking or work on himself, from what I see he's living it up as a single guy. I would hate to think he's delaying action on a D because he doesn't want to pay me $15000+ to officially buy the house from me (that would really be the only downside for him if we moved forward). I know I can't know if it's best for him to make a decision yet or not,so I guess I need to focus on me and what, if any, decisions I may need to make.