Wow, interesting morning! So, after my D14 spent the evening the night before coming to me for "advice", asking me questions about football (she wants to know enough about the game to not look like an idiot in front of this guy), etc. we had a long talk on the way to school.
She is nervous as this guy she likes parents are going to be at the game today and she will be meeting them. This is a first for her as this guy is the first boy she likes that she hasn't known for most of her life. She asked me all kinds of questions, told me how nervous she was, asked me my opinion on how to wear her hair...on and on. Mostly I validated, tried to get her to relax and just be herself. At one point she said "You're the only person I talk to about this stuff, dad. I don't even talk to mom about it". I asked her why not. She said "I don't know. Because she's mom. I just don't feel comfortable talking to her. I don't have a sister to talk to anymore so you're the only one I have". She then started saying how she always wished she had a brother and that she wants to have a boy first when she gets M and 4 kids total....kid stuff.
How sad that one statement about not being comfortable talking to her mom was! Sad for her and sad for my W. How much is W missing out on because of her MLC? This is time and events W will never be able to get back. Once it's past, it's gone forever. The fact that my d14 trusts and loves me enough to come to me and talk about her life means more to me than any amount of money, any great business success, any "thing" I could have been able to have if I had sacrificed my R with her to get it. It's sad that instead of having her big sister there for her, to talk to, spend time with, laugh and be "sisters" with, her family is now gone and scattered.
It also is wonderful that she trusts me enough to talk to me. That she knows she can talk to me and I will be there for her. That she still believes in family and M and isn't thinking that because her parents are D'g that M can't work or will end badly. I'm very proud of her. She is such a great kid. I'm also proud of her sister who has become so hard working and responsible so quickly. They both are dealing with things in a way that makes me really understand that I must have done something right. That all the time, effort and sacrifice over the years was worth it.
I am so glad that I have my D's and I know that I always will. I'm blessed in so many ways and need to remember this in the middle of all this crap that I never asked for. I may no longer have my M but I will always have my family. Whatever my W gains in her journey, I can't imagine it being worth what she is missing now and will in the future but that is her choice. I get to chose what is important to me and I choose my kids and my family, whether she wants to be part of that or not.
