Was really hoping part 6 would be posted in 'Piecing', but oh well...
Recap of last week- communication between W and I has increased, very few, if any, negativity towards each other. This past weekend we went out on a date, but still nothing physical, not even hand holding. Sunday, W had a couples' baby shower deal for her good friend in the dreaded 'circle of friends'. When I asked if OM would be there, she confirmed with the host that he would not. Maybe she's still being untruthful, but per MC, I need to start giving her some benefit of the doubt considering she is taking some actions (shutting down FB) showing she is working on the M.
W came over last night for dinner, then we headed to our 5th session of MC, focused on goal setting. We both agreed to work on empathy, the use of 'pause' should we feel uncomfortable discussing topics outside of MC and validating each other's words/feelings. W then agreed to increase communication with me, while I agreed to begin 'courting' W. I explained why I had not up to this point- DBing 101! MC brought this suggestion up, not me, and asked if W was ok with it- W agreed that she would welcome it. We also discussed being physical with each other in the moment if it felt right- hand holding and hugs. W stated she was not comfortable with kissing right now and we agreed that she would be the one to initiate when she feels ready. Set up f/u session for next week and I brought up Retrouvaille session later this month. MC seemed all for it and W seemed interested as well.
Now to the fun part- So as we're pulling out of the parking lot (drove separate), W calls me. Asks me if I could check on a 401k loan and she's thinking of selling her van as those are the only ways she thinks she can afford getting her own place (I didn't say it, but no way I'm taking a 401k loan from MY account to support her getting her own place). We ended up talking for a half hour about her feeling like getting her own place, even for 6 mos, is the only way she could take the kids overnight during the week (for those not aware- she currently stays rent free with a friend in a 2 bedroom apt). In a way, I feel like her getting her own place would be a step backwards, but we did discuss it a while back as a way to 'start over' in dating each other while living apart. To avoid writing more than I already have, I've left out some positives and negatives from our conversations, but the bottom line is that it's TOTALLY clear to me (and MC) that her feelings are not there right now. She made the comment in MC that she's been hoping a 'switch' would go off inside her that would make her want to work on the M, but it hasn't. That's a big part of why she questions herself on if she should continue or not, as she's tired of living in limbo.
All in all, not a big surprise to me, although it did seem to come out of the blue. I've known from the start that she was not 100% in and I know I put myself in the situation I'm in by not following the advice given to me on here to a T (so save the 'you're being played' comments). The 'new' Tarheel ended the phone call not pressing W on where we stand right now. I made it clear that I've proven to myself that I was fine moving forward without W. I sent MC an email earlier asking her advice on handling the W getting her own place topic. If we're working together and dating each other for those 6 mos, maybe I'm ok with it. But I fear it would be used as justification for ending the M because she realizes she can make it on her own. W is planning on coming over tonight again to help D10 with her Halloween costume, so stay tuned.
