In limbo, need to figure out next steps (thread #5

[shodan]

Cali, thanks for reading my thread and commenting. I agree that the only path to R is after she ends the A.

I spoke with my DB coach yesterday. I caught her up on the texts that I read, my convos with my wife and that I have decided to pursue a D. She agreed that my W likely is waffling (based on the texts, her decreased time in NYC, etc.) but that she needs to make a decision and get off of the fence. She did suggest that since my W is spending considerably less time with the OM, I should create opportunities to show my W what she will be missing and try to create some emotional connection...fun family events, nice and fun conversations, etc. . But this ONLY works if I continue to pursue a D or else it will just be cake eating. Clearly it does not allow me to detach, but I still am GALing (e.g., I have a guitar lesson tonight, dinner plans tomorrow night and then am gone all weekend visiting my parents).

Here is a "funny" story to share...yesterday, my W and I went to the same yoga class. We drove together b/c I didn't want to come across as controlling or a d*ck. When we got to the class, the instructor said "Here are the Shodans (last name)." And then when we put our mats down, my W had to move to make room for the instructor, so she moved two spaces from me with a woman between us. We were talking about something for the few minutes before class and the woman in the middle said that she wanted to swap places with my wife so she could be next to me. My W switched and when she did, the woman said "I wish my husband and I could take yoga classes together. If he were here, he would not want to be near me." I then whispered to my W "define irony" and she laughed.

I tell this story b/c we really do/did have one of those marriages that was pretty great but unfortunately went sideways. But, as long as she is in an A, I want no part of this M. As I said before, she is in God's hands now. I pray that He softens her heart enough to come back to our family and our M before it is too late and the D is finalized.