Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

Card the realities are i'm gonna be divorced. she has too much invested in that action and she has pre-determined the outcome. that said she also has to heal. the divorce (she will find) doesn't automatically lead to pixie dust and unicorn farts! the reality is i was changing before the BD so i have no intention/inclination to revert back to whom i was. my originally stated goal to my C was that i want to be a better man. do i want to share that with W first? absolutely. does it change anything if she doesn't want it? nope. that said, we could not have a relationship until she is done healing and develops self-worth for herself. my fear is that she is going to b*t sh*t crazy for a little while. i can't stop that but i will hurt for her and my kids. i can say without reservation that she is a fool for leaving the husband i've become!!! she will have a moment of clarity at some point and i know she is struggling with this. her favorite phrase right now is You Got This. she even said that it's hard to imagine anything making her happy right now.

she did call two more times tonight. she called right before her shift was gonna start to let me know that she was leaving from the tatoo parlor and going directly to work (ok don't know why you are telling me that). so the tatoo lasted over three hours and it still wasn't done-sigh. S told her bout the fun we had playing catch today-she was shocked at that one (that i bought a glove, even told her i would leave it at her apt so she wouldn't have to buy one to use). she told the kiddos she loved them (kinda stung to be left out even though i should be used to it-she even tells them she still loves me). she asked me to call her later so she could say goodnight to the kids. told her no she would need to call me as i don't know how busy she'll be.

she called later said good night to kids. S handed me the phone and told her she was being handed off to daddy (gotta love a matchmaker). she was pleasant and said that D was not signed up for daycare tomorrow and that she would get her from me as soon as she got off work (8a). told her no i would watch her so W could get a few hrs rest. W said thanks and she really apprectiates it. mot a problem even though i have to start my workweek tomorrow night (graveyard shift). told her to let me know when she is ready to pick up D.