Need help

[lostluv]

thanks MrBond! It is nice to read about some stories that are working out.

just random thought this evening......

today was an ok day. Had a dentist appointment and they did a lot of grinding and installed a temp bridge. So wasn't feeling so chipper today. However, I managed to keep a positive attitude and took my daughter to the park while my wife was at aerobics class...and then came home and gave daughter a bath..... and we had a blast. Occasionally we go to dairy queen and get oreo blizzards....so we did that tonight. went through the drive through. even though my wife wasn't there, I got her a small one because I know she likes them as well. I know one of the rules is no gifts, but I figured she hadn't had one in a long time and it would be rude for my daughter and I to eat them in front of her. when she got home we were just getting ready to eat them..... I just simply said "there is a small blizzard in the freezer for you if you would like one" , then continued into the living room with my daughter.

I put my daughter to bed and then we watched tv until it was time for me to go to work. the only conversation that happened was me asking short questions about the show (she watches it more than I do) and how her class went.

when I was getting ready to leave for work, she was walking past and said "i'm going to bed, have a good night" ... I told her "good night, I hope you get some rest" (my daughter frequently gets up in middle of night)....for a moment we actually stopped and she made eye contact as if she was going to say something. I didn't really react, so she continued. it was a weird and awkward pause.

anyway, this weekend we are supposed to do a function as a family and I'm concerned. usually when we do something together, it starts out ok but then I start thinking too much. example... where we are going is over an hour away. up until a month or two ago, I would always hold her hand while we were driving. So, I usually REALLY want to, but I try to wait for her to initiate it....when she doesn't, I start thinking about her not loving me or wanting anything to do with me etc. I just need to keep thinking positive thoughts and realize "hey, she is still here! she could have just brought my daughter by herself".
I do have a much better outlook this past week, but i'm still nervous. every day I read the 37 rules and think about how I can try to apply them to our day long event.

I just want to enjoy the time together as a family and try not to think and definitely try not to expect anything. just have fun and continue to feel good about ME.

baby steps.......