Finding our way back to family-hood.

[slow_it_down]

Listen, friends and family are great, but they don't have to commit to 18 years of driving back and forth dropping your kid off w/ an X. They see your struggle now in this moment but they probably aren't thinking about the fact that because you share a child you are going to be in each other's lives for a long time. Also, in my experience, the people who tell you to run away as fast as you can are the same people congratulating you when you work things out. You really have to know for yourself what you want and what you can endure to get it. You aren't weak for staying - you are strong. Never let anyone make you feel otherwise.

In terms of what is different, I'm trying to be more supportive of my H and I am also more accepting of who really is. For instance I found out that my H is a liar and lies as a defense mechanism. I don't mean that he's shady or a jerk, but that he lies to make himself appear to be better at things than he really is or to cover up difficult things going on at work. Before DBing I would have had 0 tolerance. Now, we are at a place where I can talk to him in a non accusatory way to talk about things he may have fudged a bit. Accepting his shortcomings takes a great deal of self control and love, and at times feels crazy. However, just because he struggles to tell the truth about even mundane things doesn't mean he isn't worthy of love.