Wow- so here I have been ruminating about my husbands passivity off and on for the last couple of days and all of the sudden he does something assertive.
I got an email from him this evening. Just to review right after BD, I asked him for a 6 month cooling off period. I also explained that he would have to help me with a refi on the house if we were going to save it. he agreed to both things. The appraisal for the house came in low and I have been in the process of challenging it.
In his email he had linked the 6 months and the refi together- he said he just wanted to know what was going on with it. He seemed to think possibly that I was going to file right after the refi was completed . He mentioned me filing 3 times. He wanted to know "what was the plan" and said he didn't know what the next steps were. I have no idea how he got everything so jumbled up.
So anyway I responded. It was pretty simple - I know I have said all these things before to him - but they don't seem to have completely registered. Here is what I said.
What is the next step? I guess that is where there is some confusion. You have mentioned financial issues, but to me they are not tied to the 6 months- when I asked for a 6 month cooling off period it was primarily because I did not think we should do anything immediately. This will affect too many lives, yours, mine, our daughters, our families, etc. Frankly, I think we should wait even longer before such a terrible step, but I'll take 6 months.
What is the plan? I do not want a divorce. I think you know that and I have told you that. When I was a kid my worst nightmare was that my parents would divorce and now we are contemplating inflicting that pain on our precious daughters. That is literally incomprehensible to me. You and I have both made a lot of mistakes in this marriage and we have both been unhappy. I do not want to go back to the old marriage. However we have never made any contsructive attempt to resolve these issues. I am willing to do that with you, but you are in another relationship. I am aware that it would take a lot of work on both of our sides and would be very difficult.
If at the end of 6 months you still want to divorce, I will work together with you to put together some sort of mutually acceptable plan and we can put it in the hands of a mediator (who can help resolve any issues or disagreements we might have). I will not file for divorce, you will have to do that. We are not divorcing. You are divorcing me.
Ugh. So now I guess I get to sit and wait for what he says.
