My first thought is that I highly recommend to set up an appointment with a Divorce Busting coach. I recommend Chuck. I think a highly trained professional is crucial to you right now. I would think that you should just do a one on one to start and go from there. I would hope your marriage is important enough to seriously seek out professional help.
We are mere amateurs trying to help..
The thing that stands out to me right now in how I can best help you is when you wrote this:
Quote:
She was pushing me away for years and acting selfishly but doesn't seem to have any thoughts of doing anything to address issues I have with her. She wants nothing to do with talking about issues that got us here.
Should I just forget these issues and hope all the extra time, hugs, kisses etc will make it all better? I am being selfish and controlling in thinking she needs to address my issues with her too?
I need some advice here.
Can you tell me what issues you have (had) with her? Sounds like she has lied about other things in the past. As far as being selfish and controlling about your issues with her, it probably could come across as those things to her if you keep pushing her to talk about them.
Remember.. Women are attracted to confident and happy men. Emotionally strong men.. Men who don't seem concerned so much about their own needs, but are concerned about HER needs. (And yet don't let her walk all over him.)(Find the balance) They are not attracted to needy and clingy men. (as your wife admitted about why she dumped the OM)
So, the first thing I would like to know is what issues you have with her. Then we could help with a plan to maybe find a way to address those issues without her feeling pressured to talk about them. There are other ways to get around that once we know what they are.... We may be able to even get HER to bring them up without you mentioning them....
You are doing fine so far. It sounds as if she did break it off, but who knows for sure at this point.
The part about her not meeting him along with her past history of lying to you about other things is a red flag to me. That would need to be addressed at some point, but I would hold it close to my vest for now..
You need a game plan. Things are going good now and it would be a great opportunity for you to incorporate some other relationship skills into the mix as you go... I am talking the silent, strong,confident, happy man type things that women are attracted to........In other words LIVING IT without mentioning it to her. (Women like that stuff)
Strong,(emotionally) confident, happy.. Find things to laugh about with her. Most women I know love to laugh and let loose now and then.. I wouldn't get too serious so much.. Keep it light, but be OBSERVANT....
