If this is not genuine, I think you will eventually be able to tell. Mainly when she grows tired of pretending and falls back into old patterns. If her acting skills are great, she may fool you for a while, but if you really know her well, then her attitude will the measuring stick. Don't judge so much the outward things you see, or even the words she says. Look at the attitude behind it.
Most EA's I have read about does not end as "easily" as your W seems to want you to believe about hers. I mean, they were talking M, right? At least the OM said he wanted her to M him. That had to add some emotional fuel for her. And now he's gone? Why so suddenly without pursuing the woman he "loves"? All it took was you confronting her with evidence......and she acts as if no big deal and it's over? If that is genuine.....then it is one for the book of records around here.
An EA is very addicting and even with strong resolve, is hard to overcome the craving to seek that thrill again. Withdrawal is actually experienced emotionally, and depression following it. It is a tough climb out of that pit. So, that's why I am suspicious of anyone who suddenly starts jumpIng your bones and trying to convince you that the A meant nothing. Btw, look up "gas lighting" and see if anything looks familiar.
She will try to cause you to think you are over reacting to her "friendship" with this OM. When she thinks you've stopped monitoring her activities (which are not worth a dime if she knows she's being watched), she will resume her A......if it ever stopped. More than likely, they agreed to lay low until the coast was clear again. In the meantime, she will act as if everything is cool......but doesn't want to talk about any issues or why this happened.
I suggest she thinks the monitoring has ended and you have relaxed about the whole deal. However, don't encourage her to resume any former relationships. Don't initiate discussions about the A/OM or even the MR. Act as if everything is fine. Observe her and see how things go for two or three weeks. Continue to post here and read the DR book.
Be smart. Don't make any big decisions right now, such as financial investments. Keep an eye on your financial matters (credit cards, bank accounts, etc.).
I hope for your sake she is being truthful, but be smart......watchful......and alert. Btw, has anything like this ever happened in the past?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
