Bart .. man I feel ya ... and I wish I was atleast at the point you are where the W is willing to work for 3 months. Take this as a positive ... I get the NC and transparency thing .. but try to focus on how close you are.
You feel the NC is actually attainable .. go with that. Focus on yourself as you have, seems you two are at a stand off and someone has to give first, you feel that with all the hurt is should be her, I am sure she feels the past years of all the hurt it should be you.
I have little to offer other than I am watching closely as I hope to one day be in this spot ... I have alot of the issues you described and know this topic is a slippery slope. I have to stop myself and think about having that road paved back home to be as smooth as possible, that's brutal with the hurt that has been caused and I too don't think I can go through committing not knowing if she is in or out. .... but by pressing I know I can force her out quickly. So I can totally relate ... watching and rooting for you!
