WAW + divorce filed, Becoming-V2 - part 1

[B-V2]

Journaling:

"Good":
Last week Wednesday banking/buying out business went well, as in: I was indeed as cool as a cucumber, confident and looking and smelling the part - and she gave me a very nice according compliment when she walked in as she was positively surprised of all that. The signing and banking work was all over in less than 10 minutes.

Feelings: when outside, I told that I was sad due to the divorce path that we were and are on was and is not what I want, nor the part what we had just finalized in the bank.
She did not really responded, but looked sad too. She then asked for going on lunch together, but I declined (first of all as I was feeling very sad inside myself) also as we had weeks ago already agreed on meeting up that evening - and we walked our separate ways. She had some tears coming up while walking away, and so did I.

Not good:
When meeting up in the evening in a local place for a bite to eat and a drink, near the end I blew it because I lost my true listening and validation and instead started to argue.
Why/what about: several weeks ago I had provided a potential hot inside tip on a work opportunity, for which she had then text me back "thanks..., I'll think about it." Near the end I brought this up, and I said that I understood that her reply read like a big hint of "not for me!" and why then not simply writing such instead of unclear hinting, as I am still not able to read minds. And that I know this was not a nice subject for her, however lets not always avoid those kind of not nice subjects and lets talk like adults about it.

Obviously I should have been thinking before speaking any and all this, because: what was I actually trying to achieve with saying all this? Be Happy OR be "Right", and I was obviously busy with trying to be "Right"...wrong, wrong, wrong (as it serves no real purpose)!
As I noticed that it all started to go wrong, I called it "the end" and we left the place and departed just like that.

After 1 minute of walking away I felt so bad, that I called her and apologized stating that it was not how I wanted to end the evening together on a total bad ending, and if it was OK for me rejoin her so to still talk for a few minutes. That was OK with her, and so we did and the first thing she told me was: "here you go again, lecturing me.". So although bad, at least this gave me direct feedback and insight into a problem area of myself.
Then I said something that made her burst with positive laughter, and I had to laugh too and then we both left.

Had a scheduled session with my shrink this Monday, which was a very good session (the shrink continues to ask me tough questions, which is what I need).

Any vets caring to provide questions/feedback/help/2*4: I'm all ears. Continuing with LRT in the meanwhile and GAL and my 180's (although I wish so much just to call and listen to her and be together, however I fully understand that such has to come from her side for any future R to have any change).