I have been there ... and I get where you are at. I agree with Starsky on everything he has said to you. With my sitch she atleast admitted the A (after about 3 months of my initial suspicion) I noticed a HUGE turn for me when I stood up and told her that the A was disrespectful to me, our marriage, our family, and her family .. even tossed in a "I would hate to see your parents find out about this" ... this seemed to lift a fog, she called that night crying and I told her if OM was who she wanted go and be happy, she deserves to be happy .. but asked her to actually think about how that R would really ever work ..... in your case .. how does her A really work?? .. eventually its going to run its course like they all do, might take longer with the distance ... but it will still end. I do see when us LBS try to tell them how wrong it is it makes the WAS hang on even tighter.
My advice .. SHE has to end it .. .you have stated your boundaries, started the process ... looks like she doesn't want it .. or maybe just does not what YOU to make that choice for her. I would just go about your business and see what her actions/reactions are. I do get a sense that she is cake eating, and now has to start giving this whole thing some thought .. something I don't think she has done on the high of the A and the butterfly feelings it provides.
